Footprints

You left a scar in my world. It looks obvious. But then, it will disappear soon. Just like footprints. On the beach.

I know You Won't

I know you don't mean to be mean to me
'Cause when you want to
you can make me feel like we belong
We belong

Lately you make me feel all I am is a back-up plan
I say I'm done and then you smile at me and
I forget
Everything I said


I blinded into those eyes
And into your lies



You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't


I wish you were where you're supposed to be
Close to me
But here I am just staring at this candle burning out

And still no sound
Of footsteps on my stairs
Or your voice anywhere

You say you'll call, but I know you
You say you're coming home, but I know you
You say you'll call, but I know you won't
You say you'll call, but I know you won't

Last Day Of August

Anonymous Friend.

If. I said IF. Rainie Yang was here, sing this song for me. Now. Definitely I will cry. Now.And it won't stop.

I met him last night.

Tiramisu. Rasberry Espirit. Hot honey lemon. What else I need to remember. Oh...I forgot the plat no. Never mind. Is not that important.

It was different. Maybe he's tired. Maybe...he's unhappy. We talked. I smiled. He didn't.

I don't want to recall back.

It will be the last.

That's all I told myself.

Up!

I love this movie.

Even til now.

Reason is because of this cute litte fatty.

Second, is because of this old man.

This old man, a grandpa who is actually not a grandpa.

He had a wife, who'd past away earlier than he does.

She left. He's lonely.

Then comes this little fatty elf.

He looks just like Carlos Chang(my nephew).

He's a stubborn old man.

But I like him. As he's still has a kindest heart ever(he save the fatty elf in the end)

I don't have grandpa started when I was....ermm??? Two?

I don't even have my dad after I was 7.

So I don't know,

How does it feels. To have old folks in your home.

Grandma? Yeah, I have.

But they gone so soon as well. And I attended the funeral(in very young age as well)

That's why I love this movie(Even though is an animation - which will lead to...you know, fake thing, that sort of theory)

I never have a chance to talk to my grandpa.

How does it feels?

I'm wondering.

Do they?

Act like this old man do?

When they are with their grandchild.

They need love.

Attention.

Care.

And,

someone to talk to.

I wish,

I have a time machine.

So I could go back.

And visit,

My dad.

My grandpas

Grandmas.

Pink Nails

I suppose to go out now. But, instead of having a wonderful night with him(maybe having myself another cappucino again), I sit in the room, glared at the screen....fingers on keyboard.

The music is on. The mood was gone. The song is repeating.

Whenever you heard the song that played by my PC is keep on repeating, it means something is wrong with my mood.

I color up my toes. Purple. And my fingers. Pink nails. I once told him: " I'm a fashion queen!" I was so proud of myself when I said so. And I was happy, that time. As I own his time the whole day. I was with him. And only him realized that, I put very bright color on my fingers.

I did it again, just a few minutes ago. It reminds me of him. I suppose to go out....

But I think....I will stuck here the whole night. Listening to the same song. Until I am really really tired. Then I will sleep........

Continued....

Sorry....this is the second time....

I said it was the second time, because I did the same thing again. I let it go again. The first time was on...hmmm...can't remember the year. But I let it go when I found out he's lying to me. Just like you did. I don't know why he chose to lie. All I know is, when a guy has a gal beside him, for sure he won't look at you CLEARLY or SERIOUSLY. Another reason is, I really really DONT want to mess thing up.

I was sitting inside the car for the whole day(almost the whole day).When my brother in law went to different bank to do(unsure what is it all about) different thing. Luckily I brouhgt my book and pen together. Yeah, luckily. I dont really feel want to talk. Maybe is due to I had a very tiring(both mental and physical) weekends. Maybe is due to I choose to let go. Orange's fiction. The fiction which could talk to me. I have it in my hand today, the whole day. I was tired. But I still went out with my family. Should spend some time with family(no matter what/how you feel on that particular day).

The car that passing by, really, bring me down to hell. Mood, I mean. We're in the same city. But we're so far away.

How many people choose to shut up when they could just yell out loud and clear?

Is not easy.

Sometimes, I would ask myself, "If not now?When?" Or "What about now?" Or "Why not?"

The answer is, I JUST CANT.

When you know you could just turn up and hurt another people, then do you still dare to proceed? Sound like, hey...all you need is courages. Hmm....I don't think so. What? Dare enough to hurt other? I rather hurt myself than hurt other.

Love is there.

Love without words. How many people choose to live like this?

I just want to say : " Let go, is another way to love you."

Do you, get it?

I Choose to let Go(Just like I did Before)

10 days ago, is dad's birthday. But I never celebrate it with my dad. Not even Father's Day. Dad had long gone, when I was so young. Too young to remember. Is 1995. Dated 31st September. Time: 1.00am something. Thats all I remember. Primary school, standard one. Thats when I lose him. Cancer killed. Dad is still young. But he visited heaven so soon, and he chose to live there, and never come back.

When was the last time I talked to dad? Can't remember. I weep whenever I talked to dad. I have no one to talk to. So I talk to dad, who, never reply me in voice, or even in my dream. Good news, bad news, I share both with tears. Maybe is due to I miss him so much. Or maybe is due to I'm still hoping he's still here.

Hey, I choose to let go again. We shouldn't have meet at the first place. I know something is wrong when I stare into your eyes. I know you're hiding something. And I know, what you're hiding all this while. I don't want to disturb. Really. I never ever, in my life thinking about screw up your relationship with her. I know I'm late. I also know I had took the wrong bus from the very beginning. You're meant to be with her. That's why I don't ask. I don't say. I can't say. I can't tell. I can't....confess. All this while, all these feelings. How much I miss you. How much I want you to know. I just can't....say it. I'm sorry.

You're protecting her. I guess. And now I think I was right. Coz you love her. You try to save the relationship. You're holding it tight. I know. I know even though you never tell. You never confess. I have no choice, here. I can't give myself a chance or options. The only thing I have to do is, let go. When I figured out you have her, start from that minutes....I force myself everyday, to ignore your existance in my life. To forget. To let go. I do it everyday. I try very hard...everyday. Not to think about you. Not to miss you. Not to care. I think I did it well.

See, I don't call. Even I have your number. I don't post, even I know your fb. I don't because I can't. I can't be so selfish. I can't choose to hurt her. I can't mess up your and her life/relationship. I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.......I choose to let go. The moment I saw the picture, I had chose to let you go. You never come to my life actually. I'm the one that keep thinking about you. Was I the only one that fell in love? I think I know what's the accurate answer.

I don't mind I have to bear all the pain alone. As long as I don't mess up the happiness that you deserved. Love can be a happy ending story. But in my case, I could only call it a hopeless dream. I know well enough I won't even have a chance. I knew it from the start. Thats why I talk less, I ask less and then.....even smile less with you. I don't dare to look at you anymore. As the griefness and pain, you just won't understand. You won't as you never have time for me. Coz you have her, in your life. I knew it well enough.

I'm sorry, Rose. I choose to let go again. The love, which you could actually just shout it out loud and make proud for yourself. Sorry........this is the second time.

='( Bye bye.....

I'll be Leaving

Two more days to go. Then I will be leaving. ^^

Pack my bag full of knowledge. She said, you dont have to implement all, just plug the good one which is suit your side.

Okay. I came with excitement. I'm leaving with excitement as well. I don't think I will have any chance to meet him.But it doesn't matter anymore. Good thing don't really happen on my side, do they? Sometimes, thing will change and I still have to face it alone.

Two more days. Will be a very tiring weekend. The store gonna close on 10.30pm. In which, I will have to reach home around 11pm. Could I stay up that late again. Think so. But my body will be very very tired.

Hey, Good Luck, My dear.

Secrets

Because of Me

Something's wrong.

He said she suspected something. And..... I did not received any news from him since the day I started to work here. She asked him weird question. He's trying to protect me, so he said he doesn't know me that well.

Because of me.

He teached me patiently. He explained everything, which he did not did it before. She told me he only know how to order, so some people is not satisfy.

Because of me.

He will comes back. We promise to have some breakfast together. So he said he will come back.

Because of me.

But now. She's upset. She knew something is wrong(but in fact, there's still nothing change between us).Maybe something had started to change between them. Maybe he started to hide something from her. Maybe he wanted to let go. Maybe.....okay, it just a MAYBE. Yeah, maybe.

Because of me.

She knew is something to do with me. Is she really sure that she's right? How does she know it is something to do with me? I don't do anything stupid so far. Then why me?

Because of me.

Am I mess up the thing? Hey! I never do anything that might destroy your relationship with him,okay? Never did I have a feeling want to show up and just grab him away from you. If I really did, for sure he will long gone. Away from you. As I am very sure and know who am I. For sure I will win, if you call this is a battle. I will win, as no one teach me to lose. I had been trained to win all this while. I only want to win. Thats why I never say no, as thats the way I train myself up. You bring me down once, I will stronger twice.

Because of me.

Ask yourself. Why are you scare? Lack of confidence? Then you could kill yourself. Lack of confidence could be really scary. It could kill yourself within a second. Want to try? Go to the mirror and say to yourself, " I look ugly." How do you feel now? hehehehe.....Sorry, that's not working on me. I AM not that weak. I WILL not kill myself. and, I AM not that inconfidence.

Because of me.

Is he breaking up with you? How do you feel? Being cheated? Then tell yourself there's more good guy out there. Why scare? Why weep? Why down? I will not be with him. No matter how. We are nothing but colleague. Sorry. I never mean to screw up your life. We are not meant to be with each other. I'm already gone. Okay?

Because of me.

I never thought I will be this "bad girl". Hahaha....

Hebe田馥甄-《寂寞寂寞就好》

You and Me. He and she.

Good thing happen when you move from one place to another, one level to another.

You get to know different people. Be friend/competitor with them. Learn from each other. Observe but never implement the mistakes. Smile and help.

I help them as they're really lack of manpower. In the end, someone bought me cake. Someone bought me lunch. Someone bought me Donut. Someone bought me dinner.

Then, you share your story with different people. And they share theirs. Suddenly, we discuss about marriage life. I said if one day I get married, for sure I will resign from MPH. She agreed. Then she mentioned to me that marry a guy who was older than you was a good thing as they will take care of you. I said I once saw in TV, someone mentioned that a girl who is marry to a guy that is older than her eight years old will have very happy ending life. Then she said, "Tim is older than you eight years, you could think about him." Hahahahaha...great, now even Ellis wanted to put me together with you. I wonder why everyone likes to put "we" together. What? They can see it in my eyes? Or in your eyes? I laughed, then she said I blushed. Godness!

Someone went to my wall and posted want to meet me today. So I did not go home with Ellis. She came to MPH and meet me, then we went out to have Japanese dishes together. Another good thing you get from MPH, you make friend, and all these friends, love you. I met Pei Lian only once. That is on June, we went to visited chinese book supplier together with Richard. First met, then become good friend. When she knew I was in Ipoh, she instantly said want to meet up. Then there we were, eating sushi together. And, Of course, I have myself some unagi again. ^^ hihi... Then, Kelvin, bought a box of donuts for me just because I helped him a lots on housekeeping. See....God loves good girl like me ^^. I had free banana cheesecake yesterday, and free unagi/McD/donuts today^^.

Night.

Like usual, after took shower, I will have time for facebooking again. Then, I received mail from him.

He said he had a terrible day. I know what's the story. For sure about her. Cheating again.

So?

So he said he felt like shit. Why? Because she said she wont meet the ex again, but then, before she left to London, she had had a wonderful date with the ex. hmm......He's exploded/heartbroke/upset/disappointed(like usual). I think, he's nuts!

He let her control his mind. He let her rules his world. What for? Blind by love. BODOH!!!( But I didnt say so, as it might hurt him more).

So, again, I said, let it be. Let her go. Aiyo...there's so many good girl out there, choose me lar. I will be the most beautiful and caring princess for you. Haiya.....stupid one.

Never mind. Whatever.

I have my life. Happy happy life. Cheer up. Long Long way to go^^

First Time In Life

Hey! Is something to celebrate today~!!

I think Zaf was thinking the same thing, that's why he bought us all a piece of Secret Recipe cake. Hmmm...yum yum. Thank you so much^^

Ok, what to celebrate? First time, is the very FIRST time, I received paycheck(BONUS) from MPH. Hahahaha....Maybe is the first time that make me so excited and happy. Maybe(also) is about the amount that I saw in the acc that make me MORE excited and happy. Hey, this is my first time,man. How many first time do we have in our entire life? Of course ONLY one! That's why! Is something to celebrate! First time is always something about excitement(even though sometime it comes with stress), then here comes the so called Happiness. AND.....lovely smile....for the whole DAY ^^....wee..........!

Ask me now! Are you happy, my dear?


YES!!! OF COURSE!!! (^O^)

I can live Without You

I felt like being cheated. But at the same time, I was not mad at all. Or upset. Or disappointed. I dont, really.

Lack of communication again. Whats the problem? This, Is a problem. Wherever I go, it seems like everything is all about LACK of COMMUNICATIONs. Whether in the office, between me and senior colleague. In home, with mum( I dont want her to worry, in fact). In school/college/ or....wherever I go. I thought I chose to be silent was good; you know, sometimes you could accidentally hurt other with your words. So, most of the time, I dont ask, but, I listen.

Yet. Now, suddenly, I felt that, this, communication is really important. When somebody ask you where is this somebody been to, and you dont know how to answer. Which, in fact, this somebody suppose to be that "important" person in your life. Like your boyfriend/bestie/hubby/honey or whatever. And, funny thing is, I dont know. Have no idea at all. Where is he now. Why is he there. What is he doing there. I have no idea and F***ing shit how come I am the one that have no idea at ALL! In the end, I'm the one that have to ask them back, where is he now? How ridiculous. And Idiot!

Another funny thing is, I don't mind. Don't seems to worry around. Why is he acting like this. I suddenly feel I don't want to know and I don't have to. Why should I? If he needed me to know, for sure he will tell. Otherwise, what for I'm waiting for the answer? All these while, I thought I'm the one that keeping lots of secrets. But now, seems like I'm the one that keep digging YOUR secret, Mr. Teo!

I had once mad with this situation before. So I tell myself, if you don't like to talk, okay, thats fine, then I will do my own thing without you. And Holy Christ, I was surprised as I really could live my life without you. Who the hell are you thinking you are in my life? Some sort of prince or king? Oh, excuse me! Go F*** yourself. I am the Queen and Princess In MY Life, okay?

Meeting? Visit the brother? Is all lie. Great. Maybe is time to admit to each. That we're no longer need each other. I've live in my own way long enough. I know how to take care of myself. My job. My friend. My family. Get use to it, then you will always know HOW to handle almost, everything.

Ok, thank god again. Coz I had been with him for seven years. Who can stand my temper for this long? Mr. Teo. Who was there when I faced with terrible family crisis? Mr. Teo. Who took care of me when I was sick and only worked for half day? Mr. Teo. Yup, almost everything. Whatever I do, I do it with you. I was, with you, all these time. We're together. But after for so many years, I figured out something. You dont share with me, like I always do share, almost everything with you.

After so many years. Thing begin to change. So slightly, until I dont even realize. If I dont pay attetion on it. You dont share. Why? You dont like to talk. Why?

I wonder. Why?

Are we really, do not need each other? Anymore?

You Owe Me Ice Creammmmmmmm.

I'm enjoying the music. Played by my nephew(He didn't go to school, stomach ache, he said). The piano. Relaxing.

I'm not working today. I stayed up late till 1.40pm last night. Someone missed me. So did I. I miss them, I miss her, I miss him. Thus, I woke up 10am today(Lazy pig^_^)

We shared and cared with each other. Even though we never did, meet each other before. We don't even belong in the same city. (This is what I like about Internet - Facebook I meant, you get to talk with people who you dont really know, but you talk like old friends).

Finally, he let go, he said. She's crying. He's speechless. He left. Then I was there(here in Malaysia of course, he's in London but I was here, to share). He's down. But it will pass, I said. Once he chose to let go, he must face it.

We talked and laughed. Like best friend. He started to be in my life on June, 2010. When I went to KL all alone. When I started my journey to fight for my own future. I worked hard. He knew. I fell in love, hard. He knew too. He told me his story. That gal. She kept met the ex, he's upset, disappointed. I dont even have chance to tell, so I told him, about him. "At least you have chance to say you love her..." I said. He's lucky enough, isn't he?

The situation look a bit alike. Familiar. So I know how to handle. I always know how to handle, every little trouble that occur in my life. Work, relationship, friendship. Just family. Family crisis. I silence. Weep. Wont tell. I always say I'm ok. Coz I really will. You know, I'm positive thinking.

I want him to be happy. So I said, lets go for ice cream.

Rum and raisin flavour,please, he said. Chocolate vanilla, I said.

We owe each other ice cream.

He's the frog prince. I'm the princess Rose. He's the prince doctor. Oh....don't leave me alone in the castle.

界線

手機響了一夜沒接 該不該回電


照片散了一地沒撿 該不該想念

什麼讓我變膽怯 我覺得暈眩

還不想 去定位 對你的感覺



感情太美 還沒心理準備

友情太甜 又變得太曖昧



我愛你 太強烈 我該往後退

愛情的底限 也許我不該跨越

我愛你 太遙遠 我還學不會

愛情的界線 我站在邊緣



眼神開始有些交會 在每個瞬間

心裡開始有錯覺 在每一個黑夜

沒有你在身邊會覺得不安全

我不想 用愛上你 解釋這一切



感情太美 還沒心理準備

友情太甜 又變得太曖昧


朋友是最好定位 情人關係太多變

不想把你當敵人去防備

我愛你 太強烈 我該往後退

愛情的底限 也許我不該跨越

我愛你 太遙遠 我還學不會

愛情的界線 我站在邊緣

愛情的底線 我站在邊緣



在瘋狂的世界 愛看的見

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

I was alone in that city. When this song was playing on the radio, you're sitting next to me.

We're so close. But we're too far as well.

How I wish I could just tell you that, I just need you now......

She said : " I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the times......"

So am I.

我為什麼那麼愛你

Somehow, I dont have to say. I just have to listen. Whispering in silence night.

Please be silent.

I wont cry. So dont blame yourself.

Smile (^0^).

Can't say.

I can't tell.

You didn't tell.

I' m sorry. I can't say it. I miss you.

我爱他 - 丁当

I love him. I love you.

Love like you've never been hurt.

I want to go there....

I want to go, the place where you will go next....

The country, you will visit next.

The airport, that you landed.

The bus station, that you dropped by.

I want to be there. I want to see it. I want to feel it too.

Even though I don't have the chance to go with you.

I want to taste it.

Because, I love you.

Where am I?

I was alone again. Boarding alone. In the plane. Alone. Is not like I'm not used to it. Just that I'm still keep hoping, you know. Someday, there might be some one, accompany me. Waiting, alone.

An old man came and talked to me. I did not know him at all. He told me about his life. His children. And even about Taib Mahmud. He said the first time he met PM, he was only eight years old. Okay. Was he making up all this story? I dont know. I dont ask. Sometimes, old man just wish to talk. So let it be. Let he released it. I just smile and nodded. We're in the same plane, different seat. He's rich, I'm not. He said he's going to KL, then Thailand, in the end, will be in US. Where's your children? I asked. Better dont mention about them, they are useless, he said. Grief. I saw that in his eyes. He's lonely. The wife past away, two years ago. Now he's all alone, with all his drugs, in his bag. That's his only friend left. Sad to hear,right. His friend, is medicines which he depends so much. Different colors, different taste, for different diseases. Why choose me? To talk to. I don't ask. Seems like all these old man likes to talk to me very much. Like the Dato', like the professor. They were my customers, but they like me. I dont know why. I dont ask. Dont have to. Because of my face? Which look....hmmm.....naive? stupid? friendly? kind? I dont know. Okay, back to this old man again. He said he knew my father, when I spoke out his name. Is Bong Kim Ted. He said, "Oh, I know him. I know everyone who works for the goverment..." I wanted to ask more, but I dont think he's close with him. So I kept on silence. He doesnt really know about dad, I dont think so. Dad had long gone. But I was happy, when he mentioned he knew about dad. 'Cause I thought of maybe he would tell me something, something about dad which mum doesnt know, anything(but in the end, I end up do nothing but kept smiling and nodded with whatever he said to me). Never mind, it wont change a thing. Dad will never comes back. He's already here, with me, everyday. He's in my heart.

Leaving. New place. New environment. New people. How to start? Smile, and say hi. That's all. I'm a very quite person, actually. I dont talk much. I love to write. Anything, that I dont want to say. No, it should have be like this actually " I choose to write" than to talk. Not all the people I meet, I will talk to them. Not all the people I know, I will smile back. Sometimes, I choose to stay away, when I dont feel want to talk. When I dont feel want to start a conversation with anyone, at all. So when they're there, on the left, I will turn right. If they're on the right, I walk pass to the left. Avoiding. Escaping. In the end. I'm all alone. Not much. Not much people I choose to be with them. There might be only one, or two. Whose make me feel comfortable, then I will be with them always, no matter how's their mood is. Sometimes, I choose to just smile, with people I should drop by for a while and say "Hi, how are you lately?" I dont greet. I'm stupid. I'm selfish. I escape.

I'm a weird girl. Quite girl. Shy? Not really. Maybe yes, a bit. Like somebody said to me before, "you're anti-social".Haha....anti? Not exactly. Just, prefer to be quite. Talk so much makes me tired. As you have to wait for their answer, their feedback. Wait. Oh....another word to describe myself,  is I'm a very very impatient person. Hehehe....sorry to say, I can't wait. But if I choose to wait, I will wait for a very very long time. You wont understand. As me myself also dont get it, why?

Good night. Sleep tight.

Tata.

Ps/ I love this...........hahahaha.

心碎

我只盯着银幕。什么都没做。却，什么情绪都涌出来了。

我以为，我很听话。至少，在那个家。最听话的是我，不是吗？

现在不是了。原来不是。

什么时候。我开始变成不听话的小孩了？我还是搞不懂。

为什么。大人永远这么自私？

我永远都没有权力吗？做我要做的事情。你在怕的事情，为什么要怕到，连我也要
被困住在内？

为什么。我会变成你眼中，那不听话的孩子？

一直以来，最听话的人，到底是谁啊？

妈妈，你说啊！

爸爸，妈妈疯了。被钱逼疯了是不是？

爸爸，你告诉我，我到底做错什么？

爸爸，为什么，至到现在，选择乖乖留下的我，还是得罪了妈妈？

爸爸，为什么，拼了命什么事都以妈妈为主的我，现在变成妈妈眼里的问题孩子？


爸爸，为什么，妈妈永远看不到我的好？

爸爸，为什么，妈妈永远重男轻女？

爸爸，为什么，妈妈永远都不知道我也在牺牲？

为什么？就是看不到我？当我明明是那个，不管什么事，都会陪在她身边的人？

我的心，已经碎了。这几天，除了哭，我还是哭。去到公司无精打采。晚上睡觉睡
不好。真的，彻底觉得自己很失败。再怎么努力，在她的眼里，我还是个坏孩子。
别人怎么看我无所谓，为什么，从没赞美过我的妈妈就算了，现在这么过份的话既
然也是由她说出？我的失望，变了绝望了。永远吗？我都无法让你觉得我其实很好？
一次也没有过吗？你摸摸你的心，你的小女儿，长大后，真的变成鬼了吗？

真过份！

痛

不想回家。

不温暖。不说话。

又怎么了。我没问。感觉很想明知故问。所以没问了。因为她也不会说。

固执的个性。所以我也是这样的关系吗？因为我们流着一样的血。因为，我也是常
选择不说。

静。我选择安静。

当你说出来只会伤害对方时，我宁愿自己痛也不会说。静，是最好的。

他说不要因为那一点的错，所以就把全世界的人当坏人看待。

我心里说，我活的世界，我自己懂。我看到的，你看不到。我不喜欢你那大人的口
气。

凭什么？就因为你大过我，你觉得你看得比我多吗？就因为你先出生在这个世界上
所以你觉得你比我懂事吗？

那一刻，我怨。我恨。我哀。

然后。可是。我装着没事。跟你说我没事，别担心得太多。

对，你没资格担心。多余的关心。够了。不需要，你来告诉我怎么走。

我恨。我怨。这个没有爸爸的家。

我痛。我哀。我是曾经那么喜欢结婚的。可是现在，我恨婚姻生活。

可能是逃避。可是我还是一个人站起来。谁知道？你不知道。

凭什么？好像你讲的话很有道理。你很厉害？我曾经崇拜你，可是不代表你的每句
话都很有道理。就因为你选择收留我？凭什么？

我们是如此相似。却如此不相像。感觉很像对了，却像是互相讽刺。

我讨厌这种感觉。从别人身上看到自己从来没机会体会的温暖。

我是多么希望一切就停在那一年的。放生的那一年。为何不？也停止在那一年？为
什么有些人就是不懂得反省？为什么不懂得感恩？为什么不分享？家人到底什么？
他到底懂不懂？所以爸爸也生气吗？当年。爸爸生气因为他不懂。爸爸也痛吧？

不要了

傻傻的感觉。

那是第一次的时候。我不知道要等你自动，还是应该由我自己主动的时候。

傻傻的感觉。谁没有过。

就算是曾经。那个感觉很好，不是吗？

然后变成了习惯。我忘了什么时候开始，我习惯旁边有一个人。然后，由一个人变
成了两个人。

我们依然各做各的事。偶尔一起吃饭。一起逛街。他应该也习惯了。车子里，那个
位置是属于我的。每一个男人都是这样吧？当他开始牵一个人的手时。车里的那个
位置就变成她的了。

很可笑的是，我们的合照不多。你甚至，连朋友要看我长什么样子的时候，特地打
电话过来要我传一张合照过去。

很可笑的是，半夜我在夜里哭泣，你从来都不知道。可你明明就躺在身边。我心累
了在哭你都不懂。

很可笑的是，我累了你都不知道。工作累了。回家的时候，你从没问我今天过得怎
么样。

很可笑的是，你既然不知道。

我们都很好。什么都很好。在朋友眼里，我们是最好的一对。在一起很久。很恩爱。
很完美。很有默契。很相配。很快乐。还有，很习惯。

看来又是，沟通太少了。为什么，你都不说？为什么，你都不问？为什么，你都不
知道我会怕？为什么，你不知道我比任何人还要脆弱。

知道为何当初我会爱上家福吗？因为他看到我脆弱的一面。因为他看到你看不到的
孤独。因为他看到我寂寞的心。因为他看到我需要被多关怀的心。因为你不知道。


很久了。你没有说你会想我。你没有说。很久了。你没有说。为什么都要我来问。


如果我问你为什么还跟我在一起，你会怎么说。

爱不单行

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人都怕变得沉默
找不到命中注定在一起的人以后
很多人都笑我
一个人过生活
爱
只有简单笔画
却比想象复杂
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱
是不可数的吗
为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

用不完身边泛滥的自由
还是怕孤单是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑以后
还是宁愿回到
爱情那个枷锁
爱
只有简单笔画
却比想象复杂
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱
是不可数的吗
为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

我可以选择忘掉吗？

七月三十号。你跟我求婚。

八月一号。我跟他重逢。

你是开玩笑。我跟他只是微笑招手。

你可能喜欢我，是真的。他可能也是喜欢我，所以来看我了。

我跟你开心的聊天。我跟他只是互相从远方看对方。

你们都会来，都会走。

原谅我没勇气。原谅我的自私。我知希望一切这样就好。

我很怕失去。那个留在我身边最久的人。我真的很怕。

所以，我没有勇气，走到你的面前。所以，我让我自己错过。

错过，可是，我爱过。你懂吗？

如果我变成回忆

累了 照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例 想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中 不听话的 就停止了

听着 呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越没力越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏 都难掌握

如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣 我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你 人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心

如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发 蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以 让他陪你 我不怪你

快乐 什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的 最舍不得


如果我变成回忆 最怕我太不争气
顽固地赖在空气 霸占你心里 每一寸缝隙
连累依然爱我的你痛苦承受失去
这样不公平 请你尽力 把我忘记