病猫。

我是生病的猫。神经质到无可救药的猫。我说。我向全世界说。

如果你真的爱我，你就不会这样对我。我说。我对你说。

我讨厌今年的情人节。我讨厌明天的愚人节。

若一切能从来，我真的希望，今年没有庆祝情人节。

被耍的情人节。被伤透了的情人节。

问我，你好吗？

我很好。可是心不好。这时要怎么答？

胸口很闷。当你让我一个人哭的时候。当你不理会我的时候。当你装着不知道的时候。

我要的只是多一点的关心，就那么一点点的安慰，这样你都做不到吗？ 倒床后就呼呼大睡的混蛋。

要的只是个解释，要的只是个对不起，有那么难吗？

我很讨厌这样的自己。我从来都没有这样会吃醋，而且还是乱吃醋。

喂，外面的花枯了。

我说下个月我要搬出去了，你只是问，搬去哪里。而不是问为什麽要搬？

虽然说的是谎话，可是你连这个谎话都不在乎的样子。

我根本就没有找到什麽新的屋子，更别说是下个月尾会真的搬出去。我只是希望你多一点关心，问问到底怎么了。

说好了的幸福呢？那首我恨透了的歌，现在既然突然飘进我脑海里。

我坏掉了。

我真的很讨厌你，为什麽要这样？

真的很过分的，为什麽要这样？

真的不能呼吸，为什麽要这样？

真的，要死掉了的感觉。。。。。。你为什麽要这样？

老大

老大，我很开心。
开心因为不管你再怎么忙，最后你还是会回应我的信息。

老大，我很开心。
开心虽然下个月没办法见面，你还是期待跟我有天会见面。
你跟我说对不起因为你不能回来。还很有心的说假设我没有地方好住，别忘了通知你一声，你可以帮我搞定。你更是说，要干爸请客，让我去台湾一趟。

老大，我很开心。
开心虽然你都知道我有男朋友了，可是你不但没有生气，还继续跟我做朋友。

老大，我很开心。
开心因为你不停的上载你的相片，告诉我你在那里的生活是怎样的。也像习惯一样，我们用相片跟对方继续分享。

老大，我很开心。
开心因为就算话题都聊完了，谁都不想停止，继续讲无聊的话，继续向对方问好，继续互相给劝告与鼓励，继续知道对方的存在。

老大，我很开心。
开心你就算不喜欢拍照，你还是拍了自己的样子，让我知道你现在是长什麽样子，以前又是长什麽样子。

老大，我很开心。
因为你允许我叫你老大。不用怕，以后的大嫂，我会很尊敬她的。

老大，我们的缘分，你给它打分数了吗？

In God's Heart

A room of Quiet
a temple of peace;
A home of Faith
where doubtings cease;
A house of Comfort
where hope is given;
A source of Strength
to make earth heaven;
A shrine of Worship
a place to pray
I found all this
in God's heart today.

无题8

很久以前拍的照片。在一间小学后面。偶然的经过。偶然的拍下。

The Boyfriend -Thingy - Thing

Life is like, go to work/go to sleep/go for shower/go to cook - the same routine every day.

There's some one who, I don't wish to see/meet(even if it is accidentally). There is, too, some one who I wish deadly, deeply, desperately could meet(even if is by accidentally or intentionally). While there is, some one who comes by surprise; while other might comes and screw up your mood.

I received email on Facebook from Raymond this morning. This is a surprise. Not a so-very-surprise surprise; as it's like usual, he just wants to say hi.

I did, too, received a note from a customer this afternoon. THIS is a stupid surprise. Which - very very annoying and irritating !!! I knew he had been watching me ever since he steps into MPH. He did it all the time and every one of my staffs know his intention when he came to MPH. They said :"untuk jumpa Rose".

THIS IS NOT A GOOD NEWS. AT ALL.

There's a customer who invited me out for drinks and lunch. And even if now he's already engaged and going to get marry in May, he still asked me about my boyfriend. "So, how's your boyfriend?" "When are you and your boyfriend getting married?" "Are you still with your boyfriend?"...bla bla bla...

And Raymond too, asked the-almost-same question. "No dating with your boyfriend?" "No going out with your boyfriend?"...bla bla bla...

And today. This in-sane customer(sorry to be so rude), kept on turn around and around and around for almost 4 hours in MPH, suddenly approached to customer service counter and asked :" Do you happen to go to Catholic Church?" I said :"No!"(with very very annoyed tone) and let him left without even look at him. After about...don't know how many minutes past, he came again. This time not alone, he brought a piece of paper with him. And hand it to me. I thought it was some kind of note which he wrote title on it, so I could help to search book for him. BUT is NOT.

The paper wrote : " I am actually quite embarassed to ask, but can I add you on Facebook or get your number?"

GOODNESS HEAVEN !! This is S**T!!

Go ahead and add me. But I will never, ever gonna confirm you as one of my friend. Am not interested and you're really S**K!!

Why don't you all leave me alone and stop asking about me & my boyfriend or my status. Why should you care am I single or not or marry or not or free or not???

I hate customer approached not because of book but because of me. Go F**k Off yourself ! DAMN !

Doctor in The House

Wow, the picture is on the THE STAR Newspaper today. And my name's on it too.

=）

The Song

同步呼吸 - 萧亚轩

“突然地　身邊多了你　煩惱總變成驚奇
孤單吃飯變成兩人套餐甜蜜
討厭的下雨　卻開心貼你躲雨
猴嗨森　喜歡的影集　你不會偷看一集
總會和我一起欣賞著結局
我嘆氣　我想你的心都結成冰

愛同步就有種魔力　愛同步就沒有當機
　愛同步就是種感應　愛如快閃就不必回憶

同步呼吸 愛情真的要命
　一個KISSING 甜蜜吸同口氣
　命運或注定 讓我遇見你
　LOVE 不過是種默契

　同步呼吸 聽說有種幸運
　不管天雨天晴 空氣佈滿星星
　就情不自禁 就鼓起勇氣
　LOVE 說出我愛你＃

上傳著心情　你都同時感應
下次旅行就要兩人成行才行
走在大街　呼吸相同的空氣
幸福的精品　是什麼無法比擬

是你給我的愛情　
相同的興趣　相同的表情

哪天我們都白頭　哪天記憶再回播
我們還會再同步走　還同步呼吸著
有你　不怕亂亂走　有你　愛都是值得
有你　跟我同步走　都不放手”

每一次想到你，天晴的心情，就犹如这首歌般。每一次听到这首歌，心里哼着的心情，跟想着你的心情联系起来，等于无比的快乐。现在听到这首歌，还是一样会想到你。

只是，寂寞了。

There's number on my notification. Indicated that there's new notifications that I have yet read. I used to like it, when I saw there's number on it whenever I online in facebook. But not anymore.

Seems to be disappear like vanish into the air without you even notice it did.

Disappointed and sadness show. Every time I have no news about you.

It is, too bad.

The Life

Today was the second day. I drive my car. Yesterday, daddy's there with me, pointing out the error that I'd made.

Today, I drive alone. I guess I did, accidentally make some mistake. But daddy was not there to nag on me(Was it good or bad? - I take both). Good thing is, I don't have to feel more nervous as every time he points out my mistake while am driving, it will increase my tension. Bad thing is, it is dangerous. You're driving gal, not walking, and there's rules to be obey, okay?

Plan to go Kelantan will not change. Even though I still have yet think of any reason(or excuses) to tell mum that I'm going to Kelantan(she will, definitely will say that am wasting money again). I am wasting money, I know. But I can't help it. As I can't stay in Kuching forever without going out, it's killing me. The boredom. You should have know that. And I think you do know that, mum.

Plan that change is that, Nelson ain't coming back. Not until the end of April. Haiz.....

Dr Mahathir was launching his latest new book yesterday, entitled Dr In The House. Early in the morning, once I opened the store, there's a call directly, a customer to asked about this book. Then, the first customer that walked into the store, became the first customer who bought this RM100.00 Dr In The House. The book is about his memoir, biography. Very thick. And heavy. The first customer even took a picture of me, while I was busy displaying the book on shelve. And today, journalist for THE STAR newspaper, came and interviewed me(as MR Georgina, the outlet head is unavailable) and questioned me about the book. How many had sold out, how many stock do we have in store, what was my name and position in store. And she even took a picture of the window display that I had pointed to her(which, Luckily I'd done it perfectly yesterday - and she found it interesting - I guess the window display was attractive enough,hehe...) and am so proud of myself. Wee....!!

Good news is, this Dr In The House had increased our sale in normal day(normal = no event/no school holidays/no weekend-day). Am too, kind of interested to have a look in this book. And I definitely will borrow this book home tomorrow(after I finished The Killing Place). Hmm...talked about this The Killing Place, it really is killing me in the dark(scary enough until I don't dare to switch off the light on the first day I read it - daddy's home as his auntie was sick, and am all alone in hostel); the story is very very very interesting and bone-chilling, it forced you to turn on another page to page and you will not realized that the time had passed so fast, and you don't even realized that you had been yawning sleepily for more than ten times. Tess Gerritsen is another cool author that I found out lately beside Sidney Sheldon.

This, is the best thing for you, who work in the bookstore, MPH Bookstore, I mean.

Yeah, MPH Bookstore. We are not POPULAR bookstore. I kinda hate it when people walked into our Bookstore and started to compared MPH with POPULAR. But guess what, Dr In The House, we are the one that release and sell the book first. And this, really make me proud of MPH. I even more hate it when customer approached to request for book, but then end up does not want to buy just because he said in POPULAR there will be 10% discount. Come on lah, if you already know that we don't give 10% off, then why are you still here? Stepping into MPH? Bodoh punyai Ka Na Sai.

Okay, sorry again. As I always blew out all my fire in my blog.

Time is 12.19pm now. Am not going to sleep. I have few more chapters to continue. Must finish it today, so I could borrow Dr In the House tomorrow.

Good Luck to me, and you too.

叮噹-很愛過

謝謝你從來沒有覺得我不夠好
謝謝你守護我的每一分每一秒
謝謝當天塌下來 你也會幫我頂著
冰的固執 水才會懂

終於讓時間回過頭來笑我們傻
但暴雨都要淋過才能逼得人成長
沒有地久沒有天長 沒有最美的花
只有遺忘 能讓眼淚流光

很愛過 很痛過 我們為了彼此而活過
你愛我 擁抱著我 卻讓我看不見星空
我們都 沒有錯 沒有誰比較寂寞
我的世界早已經不是以前

也許以後再也沒人比你更愛我
也許以後我也不可能在那樣活
每當想起你的時候 快樂都比較多
也許快樂 是時間的幽默

多少天 多少夜 愛一個人很難 愛自己更難
清晨醒來所有美夢都不見

如果

早上醒来的时候，大部分时候，他都已经上班了。我是一个人。

如果，他走了。我早上醒来时，也是一个人。

中午才上班的话，早上我一定是九点就起床。

如果，他走了。我也是一样，九点起床，准备午餐，还有便当，去上中午的班。

不同的是，不用留饭还有菜给他。

不同的是，晚上回家，没有人等我。

不同的是，以后以后的每一个晚上，我会睡得着吗？

有的问题我就是想了又想。虽然都知道答案了。

有点贪心。有点自私。我不喜欢一个人。

是贪心。以后，会后悔吗？

Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

by... PINK!

一半

I almost sing this song after what had happened last Saturday night & Sunday Morning. But luckily I did not. He almost left me. Packed all his belongings and step out the doorway. Want me to take care of myself and give me a last embrace.

Everything happen in a blink of eyes. And the eight years that we spent together, will gone.

But， fortunately. It did not happen. I can't stand it, if he leave.

He sang this song every time the radio put it on. He likes it very much. I asked him, are you heart broken or something. No. He said.

Because of him. I like the song too.

I almost hate 'cause of celebrating Valentine's this year. We never had celebrated Valentine's even though we had been together for, eight years. Yeah, on the eighth year only we celebrated, had a one day vacation, out to the beach. And I almost blamed for celebrating it, is like a curse, which almost break us up.

Again, fortunately. It did not happen. He should not leave me. We love each other more than anyone else.

Hear the song, it sounds like this :

喝酒的伴 一起看电影的伴
早午晚餐的那个伴
朋友不能留得太晚
明天要上班
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
听懂我的笑话的伴
我的生活 只差那个人就美满
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
节日却提醒我孤单
没有想法 有想法又能怎样
只能写部落格整晚
几个留言安慰不了 心里的遗憾
没有负担 原来也是种负担
自由多得让人心慌
你羡慕我 那要不要跟我交换
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
别来提醒 我多孤单
快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
没人知道我多孤单

If you left me. I probably will die. For a day? A month? Maybe a year.
I don't know how long I will stand up again. I told Nelson : “我想我有一段时间站不起来吧。” And that's true.

We talked about marriage. Talked about kids. Talked about future.

And I don't want anyone, who's out of this, to disturb and destroy us.

And if you leave, then I will be half, imperfect, incomplete.

Just as you said : “没有你，就没有我。”