当一个曾经很爱很爱你的人，你很爱很爱的人离开你，过后的世界，是怎样的？
我们是那么的近，却是那么的远。
看的那么近，心却痛的无比。
发生了很多事，我才发现到，原来当自己真的是难过得不能呼吸的时候，我是无处可去的。难怪，在这种时候，我只想回家。
是什麽时候开始的，有了密码，我都没得进去你的世界了？
是什麽时候开始的，我们变成了两个人，不是一个人？
各做各的，这一次，真的是各做各的了。
没有了信任，我到底该如何再爱你。
原来，我被困住了。
原来，我根本就不自由。
难怪，你可以连续几天都不用问我过得好不好。不告诉我你自己过的好不好。因为你过的很好，再也不需要我的陪伴，我的干扰。
是什麽时候开始的，你再也不需要我了？
这次，我真的懂了，你是会变的。
而我，那个爱你的我，从此不再自由了。
再也，感觉不到快乐了。
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
长大
我觉得很热。在那同时，我觉得很静。静得，有点闷。
我想，我应该停止那个游戏。也许是因为自己的对你的忽略，所以到最后变成我怪你在犯错。或许，打从一开始，你就没有要那么做的贪念。可是因为我，我自己所犯的错，导致你变成这个样子。
我们都错了。可是说对不起的那个，好像就只有你。
现在，自己变成这个样子，我也不知道还能不能说是你害的。我有什麽资格说是你害的？当从一开始，犯错的那个人，就是我自己的时候？
变成这个样子，会不会，生了什麽病来？
知道吗？我不想就这样放弃。
当没有人可以救你的时候，慢慢的自己站起来，其实是一个过程，告诉你，你长大了。
我想，我应该停止那个游戏。也许是因为自己的对你的忽略，所以到最后变成我怪你在犯错。或许，打从一开始，你就没有要那么做的贪念。可是因为我，我自己所犯的错，导致你变成这个样子。
我们都错了。可是说对不起的那个，好像就只有你。
现在，自己变成这个样子，我也不知道还能不能说是你害的。我有什麽资格说是你害的？当从一开始，犯错的那个人，就是我自己的时候？
变成这个样子，会不会，生了什麽病来？
知道吗？我不想就这样放弃。
当没有人可以救你的时候，慢慢的自己站起来，其实是一个过程，告诉你，你长大了。
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I thought the sky is Blue.
心情，不见了。
要怎样找回那个热情？我真的有股冲动想email Ellis，问她到底要怎样，我才会重新爱上我的工作。
郁闷。
是什麽时候开始觉的很无聊。
无聊中的无聊，我真的很厌这个生活。
那天爸比突然问：“by,你有什麽可以赚百万的天分？” 因为我听着神木与瞳的歌，他说他们是找到了自己的天分，所以就用自己的天分来赚百万，那我们呢？爸比也说，每个人都有自己的天分的。 爸比说，他也是还在寻找着。
那天，好听也问我，那你的梦想是什麽？我说我不知道，我知道我想环游世界，可我说那不是梦想啊。因为总觉的那是个没有前途的梦想。
我的百万天分？我的梦想？
Hey, I thought the sky is blue.
I thought am gonna lov it when the sky is blue. But today, I felt a bit down.
What happen to me?
要怎样找回那个热情？我真的有股冲动想email Ellis，问她到底要怎样，我才会重新爱上我的工作。
郁闷。
是什麽时候开始觉的很无聊。
无聊中的无聊，我真的很厌这个生活。
那天爸比突然问：“by,你有什麽可以赚百万的天分？” 因为我听着神木与瞳的歌，他说他们是找到了自己的天分，所以就用自己的天分来赚百万，那我们呢？爸比也说，每个人都有自己的天分的。 爸比说，他也是还在寻找着。
那天，好听也问我，那你的梦想是什麽？我说我不知道，我知道我想环游世界，可我说那不是梦想啊。因为总觉的那是个没有前途的梦想。
我的百万天分？我的梦想？
Hey, I thought the sky is blue.
I thought am gonna lov it when the sky is blue. But today, I felt a bit down.
What happen to me?
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Phone
Exhausted.
Flight had landed safely, but poorly. Which, almost scared me and caused me to heart attack. I wondered how other felt in that one minutes. The pilot himself should have felt it too. When the flight landed in that "proper" but skill-less way.
What did the baby felt? The one the mother carry tightly and gently in her arms when he's asleep? How did the old man feels? The one that sat behind of me. I cursed the pilot a bit, and cursed on Air Asia more. One thing is because of the flight-delay that often occur, second is the landing skill that is too "professional"! In a minutes I understand how does it feels if the plane crash and am dead inside been bury alive.
Life had been a little emo these few days.
Vacations is not a vacations.
Hypertension. I read it on the magazine left on the chair. I guess I have one. This, uncontrollable and unexpected disease. As I easily feel nervous, with heart pouding so fast I feel like could not breathe well in a second. Nelson said, maybe you have heart problem. What is that suppose to mean? He said maybe something like heart attack. Yes it will happen, even if is in this very young age nowadays.
The phone is ringing. The ring-tone keep on beeping. And the music is repeating.
The laugh and the tears had past.
The only thing I felt terribly sorry was because I'd lied.
First time in my life, I'd lied to 5 persons in, just a day.
The worst is, I broke my promises.
I shouldn't have promise them. And this is a so-mean Rose that appear only once in a while. With silence, with tears, with grief, with guilty, with regret....unforgivable. Apologize is no use at all, when he believed that I was facing with some kind of family crisis which force me to cancel my vacation and fly back home instantly, which is not, true. Is no use at all, I guess I will feel the guiltiness forever for the rest of my life, as I lied to the people who love me. And I had disappointed them and hurts them.
I did not mean to.
He called. He text-ed. He begged me, to call my mum again. I have no more persuasive word to express. What I left is my tears. And hell no, I can't stop it from dropping silently, on my lap. Wet up my face.
Gastric here. Shit. Pain.
Every mistake made, there's a lesson to be learn.
I won't repeat what I'd done to myself. No. No way. To let myself down like this, tired like this, and speechless like this.
I guess the wrong thing is that I choose to silent. Maybe I really should have talk face-to-face with her. But what done is done. There's no point to recall back. This is how I live my life. No points. Really. If this meant to change, perhaps both of us should. There's something we should aware of, but sometimes it seems like the happiness had cover it all and left us......brainlessly done something regret us with tears.
No points to recall back.
The phone is ringing. Phone calls from different parties. I even have to call to different people to explain the situation. Sound like an operator or a counselor. And it makes me with a sudden thinking-mind, told myself that, maybe I should switch my job. Learning something like, become a counselor? Ridiculous.
What use with maturity, when the one that you're dealing with did not understand your words? No use to force, no use to emphasize. When they're deaf, they really are. That is what I always say to mum. No use to repeat and waste your time, and saliva. They will change if they have the initial to. They would, even if is after the very first minutes you told them to.
Some one loves you that much. I thought you knew it.
I don't understand what is the fighting point between you and him. Why not talk to each other nicely and properly instead of yelling and forcing the other to listen to your words? One of you should step back, while the other should have calm down first before speaking is starts.I guess he did not expected that you will forgive him. And I do too, believe that you too won't have, even a piece of mind about, forgiving him. But there's one thing I know for sure.
He can't let go yet. Why? Think back why is this kind of situation usually will happen? Because they love you. They don't know how to lose you. They never think of losing you. So? So, they can't accept the fact that you're gone, and now that you're in a another affair or relationship.
Time will heal.
I said.
That's all I could say. I'm an outsider, so I won't comment so much.
Sometimes, it had to depends on yourself, to change, from bad to good.
I was bad too. Bad in, delivering the words in my heart especially when I was too depressed. Which was worse, when I dont even speak of the words that I should have to.
I. am. Terribly. Sorry.
Flight had landed safely, but poorly. Which, almost scared me and caused me to heart attack. I wondered how other felt in that one minutes. The pilot himself should have felt it too. When the flight landed in that "proper" but skill-less way.
What did the baby felt? The one the mother carry tightly and gently in her arms when he's asleep? How did the old man feels? The one that sat behind of me. I cursed the pilot a bit, and cursed on Air Asia more. One thing is because of the flight-delay that often occur, second is the landing skill that is too "professional"! In a minutes I understand how does it feels if the plane crash and am dead inside been bury alive.
Life had been a little emo these few days.
Vacations is not a vacations.
Hypertension. I read it on the magazine left on the chair. I guess I have one. This, uncontrollable and unexpected disease. As I easily feel nervous, with heart pouding so fast I feel like could not breathe well in a second. Nelson said, maybe you have heart problem. What is that suppose to mean? He said maybe something like heart attack. Yes it will happen, even if is in this very young age nowadays.
The phone is ringing. The ring-tone keep on beeping. And the music is repeating.
The laugh and the tears had past.
The only thing I felt terribly sorry was because I'd lied.
First time in my life, I'd lied to 5 persons in, just a day.
The worst is, I broke my promises.
I shouldn't have promise them. And this is a so-mean Rose that appear only once in a while. With silence, with tears, with grief, with guilty, with regret....unforgivable. Apologize is no use at all, when he believed that I was facing with some kind of family crisis which force me to cancel my vacation and fly back home instantly, which is not, true. Is no use at all, I guess I will feel the guiltiness forever for the rest of my life, as I lied to the people who love me. And I had disappointed them and hurts them.
I did not mean to.
He called. He text-ed. He begged me, to call my mum again. I have no more persuasive word to express. What I left is my tears. And hell no, I can't stop it from dropping silently, on my lap. Wet up my face.
Gastric here. Shit. Pain.
Every mistake made, there's a lesson to be learn.
I won't repeat what I'd done to myself. No. No way. To let myself down like this, tired like this, and speechless like this.
I guess the wrong thing is that I choose to silent. Maybe I really should have talk face-to-face with her. But what done is done. There's no point to recall back. This is how I live my life. No points. Really. If this meant to change, perhaps both of us should. There's something we should aware of, but sometimes it seems like the happiness had cover it all and left us......brainlessly done something regret us with tears.
No points to recall back.
The phone is ringing. Phone calls from different parties. I even have to call to different people to explain the situation. Sound like an operator or a counselor. And it makes me with a sudden thinking-mind, told myself that, maybe I should switch my job. Learning something like, become a counselor? Ridiculous.
What use with maturity, when the one that you're dealing with did not understand your words? No use to force, no use to emphasize. When they're deaf, they really are. That is what I always say to mum. No use to repeat and waste your time, and saliva. They will change if they have the initial to. They would, even if is after the very first minutes you told them to.
Some one loves you that much. I thought you knew it.
I don't understand what is the fighting point between you and him. Why not talk to each other nicely and properly instead of yelling and forcing the other to listen to your words? One of you should step back, while the other should have calm down first before speaking is starts.I guess he did not expected that you will forgive him. And I do too, believe that you too won't have, even a piece of mind about, forgiving him. But there's one thing I know for sure.
He can't let go yet. Why? Think back why is this kind of situation usually will happen? Because they love you. They don't know how to lose you. They never think of losing you. So? So, they can't accept the fact that you're gone, and now that you're in a another affair or relationship.
Time will heal.
I said.
That's all I could say. I'm an outsider, so I won't comment so much.
Sometimes, it had to depends on yourself, to change, from bad to good.
I was bad too. Bad in, delivering the words in my heart especially when I was too depressed. Which was worse, when I dont even speak of the words that I should have to.
I. am. Terribly. Sorry.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Selfish Gal
If you give me another chance, I will never, ever go with you again.
Honestly say, this is the worst trip I'd ever been. The worse of worse which make me want to go home instantly. And I rather waste all my money for all the tickets-booking than wait here or go to shopping tomorrow with you.
Honestly is like a bullshit and this bullshit is really hard to clear.
I will never ever looking forward to have another chance to go travelling with you.
Never Ever.
Honestly say, this is the worst trip I'd ever been. The worse of worse which make me want to go home instantly. And I rather waste all my money for all the tickets-booking than wait here or go to shopping tomorrow with you.
Honestly is like a bullshit and this bullshit is really hard to clear.
I will never ever looking forward to have another chance to go travelling with you.
Never Ever.
Friday, April 1, 2011
All I need
Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted
Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted
Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
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