Hey Something Good & Bad Happened today

Hey, Something Good Happened today(there's a bad thing happened too, but I'm not gonna talk about it, since is something bad; so I'm gonna just sleep over it and forget about it tomorrow).

Hey, something Good happened today. You're smiling, when you entered the entrance of MPH. You're not alone, but what I saw was like, you're there, standing there alone and smiling at me, and seriously, I don't know why this time I smile back at you so instantly. I don't know why I dare to do that, usually I don't, usually I'm just scare, scare that you won't smile back at me, scare that you will have something else in your mind when I really smile at you and seriously I don't understand too, why I care about how you feel and what you have in your mind.

But...


Hey, there you were. Smiling at me. I was shocked. Of course, But I was kind of surprise, and excited, and thrilled and happy.....all the positive emotions that I could conclude together. Well, your friends were with you, I mean, our friends, the other college friends that I knew, were there too. Just that, I can't seems to take my eyes off you only. Then you're closer and closer, and you talked to me first, which is kind of surprised me AGAIN, even though this is not the first time anymore, but I never thought that this time, you will be the one that started the conversation first instead of Rock, or Sonkit, or Mark, since I talked to them more and not you and most of time I just ignored you even though I know that you're listening and sometimes you're even smiling at the things that I talked about. But why do I always seems to feel that, you actually try to have some conversation with me but you just don't know how and you just stop yourself from doing it? Just like what I feel about myself towards you.

But...

You starts the conversation first, even though in the end you left without a Goodbye like they do. I don't mind anyway about the goodbye. What make me happy the most is you're smiling at me, for the first time. and it's FUNNY.

I remember the date anyway, it was 19th Nov, in the afternoon, we met at the CCE room, and I never thought that you will talk to me. That was the really first time that you talked to me, without I said any "hi" to you, and you just start the conversation like that, even though is just a simple question like "what are you submitting?" I was nervous, for sure, and happy to talk to you, you just don't know. And you made jokes as well, I was like, I can't believe it. Hahaha....Well, is a good start anyway. Is not about something special. It's just that... a good start of friendship? Yeah, friendship. Maybe that's what you want from the beginning, is that why you add me on Facebook? Even though you never talk to me at all in the class? I guess that's the answer, you like to talk to me, like the way I wish I could talk to you like I talk to others.

Oh...One more thing,  I saw Mr Lee today, I can't believe I wave a "hi" at him, after so long!!! and his girlfriend was kind of curious. He was smiling. Ha!

I wish

There will always, one kind of people, that you wish to be with, but you will never will.

I never know I will have this kind of feeling towards someone, who is never that special, but end up so special and has a special recognition in my heart for so long.

I don't know have you ever feel it before. But I do.

I wish to be with him, and to taste a kiss of his lips.

Which I know it is impossible and should not happen.

But I wish.

How I wish.

And there is only this man.

The one and only that I just, can't tell.

All of a Sudden

I miss you. All of a sudden.

But you will never know, How much I miss you. All of a sudden.

I just can't resist it. So Let it be and Let me feel the loneliness.

"No, I don't believe you  
When you say don't come around here no more 
 I won't remind you 
You said we wouldn't be apart

No, I don't believe you  

When you say you don't need me anymore  

So don't pretend to Not love me at all....."

That I will Call it BULLSHIT

Seriously, I don't understand what is actually going.

Was it me that had done wrong, or was it the problem is in her mind?

Seriously, I need somebody to tell me what is wrong with her and what is wrong with me?

What had I done anyway? Did I just sitting around and do nothing and that makes you feel that you're the only one that do the retailing and you're the only one that freaking tired?

It is only a small damn thing and you feel like it is a thousand ton of burden that will kills you? Is that what you're trying to express? That you're almost dying now? I don't pity that if you say so, because you're so much alive in front of me, and do I really looks like I care whether you're really dying or not? Should I care now? All of a sudden I don't think I have to anymore. I have my own life to worry about, so why should I make myself get stress over you?

Youngsters nowadays are really jerk ! !

Hi There

I can't remember when was the last time I browse through your profile and recall back how cute you are to me on the first day I saw you(and even until now I still think you look marvelous).

You started it with a "Hi" on my PM.

Then I "Hi" back, and said "Long time no see".

Then like before, you seems like you don't know how to make the conversation flow, you're repeating what I've said.

I was surprise again. And you did make me smile.

Welcome back to my life, Raymond.

Orange Lips

Surprise.

Somebody "LIKED" that photo when nobody "like" it.

I was surprise. It seems like you're the only one. Ooppsss...not "You", but "He". Yeah, he's the only one that "LIKED" the latest photo that I posted, when nobody else does.

Well, I'm not sure what had attracted you then. But I was surprise,, and it makes me "SMILE". Which is good.

Anyway, after editing the photo, I figured out that orange does looks lovely on my lips. Will buy one in future.

DADA. Sleep now.

梦

昨晚做了一个古灵精怪的梦。 不知道男主角是谁，也不知道谁才是英雄。只知道，那里有很多人。然后，它让我很突然的，对某某人有一股很强烈的想念。

那个人，是我不会打扰的人。会在梦里出现是为什麽？到底是什麽事让我突然很想念？

我知道最近有点累。我甚至不知道，我现在应该相信谁了。

他只能在梦里救我吧？只有这个可能性了。

因为现实里，我们已经不再打扰对方了。有些事，不说，就不会带来很多的伤害，尤其是我们身边的人，我们还爱着的人。

很强烈的想念。我们下次再见，我还是会保持距离的。

Just Walk away

Something happened today. When I was happy and then I was upset.

I don't really want to talk about it anymore. Is like, more than enough. But I cried again. In the phone, when Daddy Lee called.

Maybe it's just rumors. Maybe is not at all. Maybe someone is still hating me. Maybe someone still wish to destroy me. Maybe they just don't like me, like the way I love them.

Maybe.

But what should I do and what should I say?

Please turn around and walk away if you don't like me. Because I won't leave. So far. I still choose to stay.

Dare or Not? Mr Lee.

Sometimes, I just hate to see that you hit "LIKE" on the page I shared.

Is not that I personally have hatred on you. But it was because that, I'm kind of happy to know that you're somewhere out there, reading or maybe just browsing on my page. And of course, is because of, it reminds me that, you're my very first crush, even though I never sure that you ever aware of that.

You even comment on my photo with him. I'm not surprise but a bit surprise (honestly) if you ask. You always aware I was with him since high school, even though I never knew so well about whose you going out with or hanging out with that time. Because we live in the same small town, and study in the same old school. News spread around fast and when I first couple up with him, even if we never talk face to face after we separate for the first time on age 13, I knew you knew about us. And I knew you never jealous about it, as you never knew(or maybe you already knew, but you just don't care) that I had always lock my eyes on you, and it was hard to ignore the fact that I was kind of annoy by you when you date with the girl who is older than you, as I know you deserve better than that. And now, your girl was a little girl friend, younger than us a few years, not sure does she even know what love meant or not, but there she is, lucky I said, because she has you to have crush back on her. But hey, don't get me wrong, is not that I still wish to have you as my whatsoever lover, I'm over it now you know. Which in fact, I seriously get over you a long time ago, when I first know that I love my present bf.

Yet, I was still surprise to see you "LIKE" or comment on my FB, because I don't think you even dare to talk to me if I ever come across with you. Do you dare? Talk to me? Or even say, like "Hi" ?? I bet you, don't.

How's Your Break?

Do you know what is the best thing of not being blind? With your eyes, you really could SEE a lots of things, which include, of course, human. Today was the last day of my holidays in SG, and tomorrow, even though my flight is in the evening, but I don't think I will go anywhere in the morning as I have to pack my thing(well, some of it already packed, or should I said most of it already packed, is just that I have no more space to add-in any new items if I go for shopping again tomorrow morning before I leave). Is not that I'm sad to leave, but is like, hey, I think there is some place I don't really spend my time in there, is like time is never enough, especially when it comes to shopping. Still, I really glad that I have eyes, and I could see with my eyes, because there is so much to see, and of course, the best thing is, a lots of hot and handsome man to see. HAHA....

Well, today was another busy day for me. We went to the Bird Park(woke up early on 6.00am today, only to reach there on 9.00am something-my sis told me we have to follow her husband car, where he usually will left for work on 7.00am, but end up he said we don't have to departure so early and he will send us there after breakfast- that is after eight...so is like "OMG, then why I have to wake up on 6.00am????) and came back home for a short nap- take a break- and went out again for dinner and movie - we watched "BRAVE" the Disney animation, which is funny in the beginning, and touching in the end of the story(like all those happily ever after Disney story, the difference is there is no Prince for the Princess in the Happily Ever After part- but sure she's happy because she managed to save her mother and turn her mother back into human- from a black huge bear to human). It really was a busy day, but worth it, especially when I get to take a lot of photos of birds(even though I was quite scared) and like the last time, I took pictures until my camera's battery finally flat and exhausted. Hehe....

Oh...almost twelve, I have to go now. Good Night. Talk to you later XD

1989年

我记得,第一次去上课的时候.那时,有点紧张.当然会紧张啦,毕竟我离开学校也已经有...三年了.三年过后才重新回去上课,要怎么尊敬老师也差点忘了(不过比起那些在后面讲废话讲个不停就算了,还笑得很八婆的那些女生,我好多了).第一次进新的课室的时候,真的是吓了一跳,因为没想到既然会那么多人,第一堂课的那班里,应该有四十个人吧.然后自己随便找个位置就坐了下来.结果没想到的是,我选择的那个位置,旁边坐着的女生(第一眼看起来是个很骄傲又很自以为是的女生,也是个看来酷酷的女生)既然是个高手(因为她一直以来都考到好成绩),真是有眼不识泰山啊.

后来,主动跟一个男生讲话(因为还记得自己是跟他一起orientation的）之后，我们两个从此以后就便变成朋友了，每次上课都一起坐。过了一段时间，才发现到那个人。

第一眼看到的时候，才知道这个班里，at least 还有一个可以看的，感觉还不错的人。一直以来，我都希望去到新的地方时，可以认识到新的朋友，而不只是朋友的那种，而是帅哥的那种。哈哈。。。终于，小小愿望实现了。可是他身边的那位苍蝇真的看起来让人很不爽，虽然自己后来知道了她并不是他的。。。那个啦；可是就是很讨厌他们每次都是一起出现，而他老是会载她。所以有时就是因为讨厌，所以连他都不想多看一眼了。因为只要往他的方向看去，就连同那只苍蝇也一起被看到。而且不是女朋友，干吗那么暧昧老是要跟他撒娇啊。真是阿。。。

第一眼看到的时候，就知道他年龄也不小了，至少没有这班小鬼们小；也能知道他一定已经是个上班族了，就像自己一样，半工半读这样的。偶尔会看几下没错，尤其是课题很无聊的时候。因为他除了是很好看，给我的感觉也很像某个人。然后是，他笑起来真的很可爱。

偶尔的对上眼时，也是开心的无比，因为觉得自己终于被他发现到了（虽然后来也没发生什么事，就是不小心在我看路的时候，而你也在看路的时候，我们看到彼此罢了）。Well, at least, our eyes contact is like "hey, I wish I could talk to you"...but I can't because I don't know where to start and is kind of like, maybe in future we will talk to each other...

后来，我们知道彼此是同班的，也知道彼此的名字（当然不是彼此自我介绍的，而是听到各自的朋友那样称呼自己的那一刻偷听来的）。后来，我的朋友跟你的朋友聊起来了，甚至他们也跟你聊起来，有玩笑我们都一起笑了。就可惜，我们就是一直都没有跟彼此讲话，还是找不到机会跟彼此聊起来。

然后的后来，有一天，你既然在面子书里把我加入你的朋友名单里。很是意外也很惊喜，虽然到了现在，你没post过什么给我，而我也只能进去看一看，然后进一步认识你的。

结果，我还是猜错了一点。你虽然看起来很成熟，很稳重的，可是你既然是，1989年出生的。

喂，你也太小了吧。红色的Power Ranger.

August...Oh NO!!!

I know is August. And I know that you're birthday is on August too.

But what I totally forgot is, which date it is your birthday. And honestly, I was completely forgot that your birthday is this month too, because I can't remember that, August is something or someone's birthday to remember.

How terribleeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................!!

I'm so sorry...this month is like....busy and crazy.

I'm so sorry for being so much late.

Happy Belated Birthday, My DEAR Lao Da.

I Love You like This; And I love Myself like THat

I saw this in Facebook today.

【总有那么几天。。。。】
处女——谁也不想理
天秤——不想起床

Now I understand why sometimes you just don't want to talk to me. Or don't seems to care. But I get used to it, because I get used to almost all your weirdo habit.

And now I finally understood it too.

That, why am I so lazy to leave my bed..... hahaha....

Ｇｉｖｅ Ｍｅ Ａ Ｒｅａｓｏｎ

知道我现在在做什麽吗？

刚才，我在小小的难过一下。后来的一秒，我在夜读，我自己写过的点点滴滴。

我从来都不知道，自己会写出那样的文章来。说是个人生活？日记吗？还是我在说故事？你说呢，随你开心吧。我一直以来都觉得，别人的开心来得重要多了，即使自己多少要受点委屈。

很久没有跟老大聊天了。不是我太忙，也其实不是他太忙，更不是我们两个吵架了。我们怎么可能会吵架呢？没见过面的人怎么会吵架呢？不问，我都可以知道，老大现在不只是过得很忙，还过得很幸福。不是因为他结婚了，而是他的乖宝宝真的很讨人欢喜啊。是我都觉得很幸福啦。没骗你的哦，看到那小可爱，我都觉得很幸福呢。不是因为我们终于见面了，然后他让我看他的乖宝宝，而是他终于把他乖宝宝的照片记给我了，在面子书里。

没有回应他有一些原因的。一是，可能我吃醋了，因为我们最后一次的聊天是谈到他那个暧昧的女朋友，虽然我知道我跟他从来都不会有什麽可能或结果，可是吃醋就是吃醋了，　因为总觉得老大真的是让我跌破眼镜啊，喜欢的对象怎么会是那种女人（并不是因为她是个有坏习惯的女人，而是她也长的太。。。。哎呀，不要逼我讲难听的话啊）。我比较喜欢老大跟Ａｔｈｅｎａ在一起，真的觉得只有她才最适合做老大的天使，可是老大既然只跟她当永远的好朋友，真是非常莫名的莫名其妙啊。

二是，我们之间的话题，有点滑落了（就是有点无趣的意思啦）。终于我玩腻了吗，这个游戏？不再觉得特别了吗，这个缘分？可能吧。我没有适合的词语可以形容。我只知道，我们虽然还是会不停的聊天没错，可是会聊到哪里呢？总觉得一直在那里打转，而我也转得有点累了。你难道不会吗？可能并不会吧，因为我对你来说并不是什麽特别的大人物。所以就算有一天我不再找你了，我想你也无所谓吧，尤其是你这种男人，自尊很强的男人。为什麽会说你自尊很强你，跟你聊天这段时间就能知道啦，你样样事都把自己抬得高高在上（除了长相以外，可能你觉的自己不够帅吧，你觉得可以更帅吧，不过这样已经很帅了，所以不要贪心哦），所以你给人的感觉就是很很很强悍的，这种人，通常都自尊心很强的，不是吗？

我写部落格不是因为想写日记，日记是不给别人看的不是吗？

但说实在的，我也不懂为何一直在写，也没想过在地球的另一半，可能有人一直在专心的读着。我想我只所以会一直写，是因为停不下来吧。还是因为习惯的关系？还是因为自己那莫名的责任感？因为觉得再不写，部落格会变得很可怜？因为要是从此停笔了，就不会知道原来自己很喜欢文字？各种的原因都有的，说来说去都觉得不管说哪一个都没有错。哦，还有一个，因为在未来的偶然回来看，会很怀念以前的自己是怎么过日子的？

最后，我想告诉你，我重新回去读书的决定，不是错的哦。因为？这也是有很多很多的原因啦。哈哈哈。。。。下次再告诉你，很迟了。我还有书要，夜读哦。

晚安。哦，是早安。

Someone else

Why do I feel that, you're actually, don't want to talk to me anymore?

Maybe is not my feeling. Maybe is true that you don't care anymore. But well, think back again, you never seems to care.

Maybe is my false, because I never call you or text you either. Yeah, maybe is my false.

But don't you suppose to reply when I post something on your wall? Or post some comment on your status?

Maybe you're busy, I guess. But, hey, come back and check on it again. Is not that you're busy anyway, you were posting other thing as well as feedback or comment when somebody else is posting on your wall. Somebody else but me.

Maybe I'm not that important anymore. I do understand that, sometimes. Yes, just sometimes. Not every time. I'm not that clever, you know. So I don't understand thing all the times. Or let's just say I don't want to understand it anymore. Because it hurts me, and you never know. Of course you won't know, because I never tell....and you never will ask?

I do understand that. That time had past, so fast. And I was not there when you need me. There was someone else. Someone else but me. Someone else had replaced the place I used to be, in your heart. When you're down, when you need someone to talk to. When I was there. Time make it fade. It fade away so slowly, I barely noticed. And when I do, I feel hurt, because it won't the same anymore even though I've try to save it. It won't be the way it use to be anymore.

I can't even read your blog right now. And I seriously think, maybe I should block you from reading my blog too. Because, we don't share our story anymore, right? Like we use to.

Is my false anyway, for putting so much hope on you, for trusting you will maintain our friendship no matter how and what, for expecting you would appreciate me like I do for you, for remembering that we are still the best of friend no matter how and when.

Is my false anyway, for not knowing that someone else might replace my place, and I could be faded away silently without you even noticed it like I don't too.

And sure there is someone else who could replace me. I should happy for you, but I'm sorry to say I'm not. Especially when you are replying someone else and totally ignore mine....Maybe I was jealous, maybe...But what am I supposed to do anyway, because I used to love you that much. And now is like...whatever.

There always is someone else, someone else but me. But you will never know, no matter how many someone else is going to be there for you, I could only waiting for you but not someone else when I needed someone to be here for me the most, because there isn't any someone else who could totally replace you in my heart. And I guess that is why I hurt the most. Because I was alone and you never know it.

How bad it is?

Very bad.

They let the love blossom Well ^^

The first glance is "Wow".

The longer I stared at it, my heart is happier than a second before.

I just love to see them happy together.

I just love to see her fall in love so happily again.

I just want her to be more happier than before.

And now I believe she finally found the right one.

And I am really happy for her.

I really proud of her too.

May God be with You two always. And May God bless your love, now and forever.

Amen.

I feel good.

And for the first time, I pray hard that he won't leave you.

Don't call If You Don't Mean to

You called yesterday, which is far from what I'd expected.

And you called again today, but I assumed it was only an accident. Because by the time I picked up, there is no one there to answer it.

Accidentally press my number? Or purposely?

Please don't dial my number if there is nothing important.

Honestly tell you, I'm not that keen to talk on the phone. No matter how charming are you.

I'm just not that type of person, if you ask.

So, don't call if you don't mean to, talk. Talk to me, get what I mean?

You don't? Then don't call.

Thank you.

Little Darling - Wong Yun Ho

How cute.

How old are you, little darling?

Ten months XD

How To Break A Heart - Nikki

I hang on every word you said and
No one could get inside my head like you
Then I guess I was a fool for you then
But now I understand
It was all part off your plan
And you should know that

You taught me what it was
To feel the sting of love
To feel like I don't ever wanna let somebody ever get that close to me again
I learned so much from you
Things I'd never do
now that we're apart
You taught me how to break a heart

Dear God if you can hear me know
please stop the anger building up inside me
I need you to come and guide me
I look into the eyes
Of the one I thought was mine
And my only scream is

You taught me what it was
To feel the sting of love
To feel like I don't ever wanna let somebody ever get that close to me again
I learned so much from you
Things I'd never do
now that we're apart
You taught me how to break a heart

No one could get inside my head
You taught me what it was
To feel the sting of love
To feel like I don't ever wanna let somebody ever get that close to me again
I learned so much from you
Things I'd never do
now that we're apart

You taught me what it was
To feel the sting of love
To feel like I don't ever wanna let somebody ever get that close to me again
I learned so much from you
Things I'd never do
now that we're apart
You taught me how to break a heart

Who Are You & Why Are You here?

He called yesterday. Which make my heart beats fast when I saw his number appeared on my screen.

If I don't remember it wrong, I was digging my bag yesterday, or the day before just to search for his contact no just in case....who knows? I don't know actually, what am I thinking and what am I going to do with the number, anyway. Is not like I will call him or, msg him. But the funny thing is, I really wish he will call or I have gut to call or msg or whatever.

Then, annoying yet thrilling myself,I was searching for him in FB. Where I meet failure. Haha...luck not always on my side, anyway. Kind of disappointed, though.

Okay, back to the top again:

He called yesterday. On the afternoon, when I was....browsing through Internet? Or Facebooking? Or doing my assignment? Or watching PPS? Can't remember that well. All I remembered is that, I was sitting in front of my laptop with the music turn on so loud, I remember the music is loud enough because I remember that I had pressed the mute button to silence up so I could have a clear conversation with him.

Well, so-called business partner. He wasn't call to impress me or something or miss me or whatever I have in my mind is not working and happening. He called merely to inform me that someone had called to MPH saying that they will pick up the four cartons that he had left over the other day tomorrow, that is today(Thursday, 5th July 2012). We are like, cutting each other line, it was like cant wait to talk to each other. Which is awkward, yet a little bit of funny and sweet. Ha!

He said sorry for "kacau" my rest day. It was fine. Really fine, because it thrills me a bit and I was, happy and excited, a bit. But all I said was "Is okay". That is what I usually will say, I don't know why, when in fact, there is something else I want to say.

Like the last day you're here. You told me you will going back to Sabah. You want to throw the rubbish in the back office, and I was like "Is okay, let me help you". I had used too much "Is okay", am I?? Oh No, who are you? It was funny, when I turned back and you're like, staring back at me, and I was like, embarrassed and make those awkward movement which is hard to control.

MY god, Who are you.

And then you called again this morning. And I was like, Oh, is you!! But I can't hear you clearly. Your voice always sound so blur, and sleepy.

But I was like "Wow" and "Hey, look, you call again"

Funny huh?

Why are you here anyway? For Fancy Bugs? I know. For business? I know. I already know but I still don't really know.

You called the second time, when there's no one comes and collects those cartons and I was sending you a msg. You prefer to call, which is more polite and professional. While I still prefer emailing or sms-ing whenever I think I should, because I don't really that keen to talk to people, you know. But I was still, like " hey, you call me again". So I picked up and said " Hi Chris." Unfortunately, you could not hear me well, so you was like "Hello, this is Chris from Fancy Bugs". In my heart, I was like "you don't have to intro so often, I already know who you are and I already got your number saved on my phone". Chillax, bro.

And we let the conversation ends with an awkward, "Okay, Bye, Thank you." Business conversation.

And why do I have this feeling that you will call me again, TOMORROW?

Who are You?

It had been a while, I left my blog EMPTY.

Hehe...didn't mean to. But I did. Sorry, dear Missy Blog.

Anyway, thing is not going that well on June. It was like someone's keep on throwing rocks on me. Huge one, you see. How hurtful is that. Then I have this car accident. And I went to police station. First time in my life.I'm not gonna talk about that in here. Because it had been a nightmare. Well, just one-night-nightmare, thank God.

Things isn't going so well in MPH too. Well, at least Mr Raaj is here. The handsome botak. He did not teach me much, but he did help though. I think I will keep on emailing him a lot of my doubt. Which is good. Because I really need someone, over there, that waiting and answering all my questions. Because I always need advises. From you, and you and you and you, and this "YOU" will never be enough for me.

Thank GOD, Mr Raaj is here.

I'd been read all those motivation quotes on FB to make myself be more and more positive. I am positive. But not positive enough. So Thank GOD again, I have FB, and FB shares all these useful thoughts.

Then, there is this somebody. That quite disturbing lately. He said he was cute and talent.Oh no, he said he was handsome and suitable for me. So he decided to match him with me. Well, he's not that handsome. Not really, because he's not my type, honest to say. At first I don't bother much. Because we're business partner, and he's here not because of me neither. As we really are, BUSINESS PARTNER only. But when he kept on saying that he's a good choice to be added in my bf listing, is kind of funny coz I started to lay my eyes on him. Which is annoying too. Because I never thought of becoming like this. What annoyed me most is that he caught me eating, the way I eating, sooooo.......embarrassed !!! And is not just once, it was TWICE. And the scene was exactly when I was in the attempt to put food in my mouth, and he was there "Rose", he called!!! Kind of disturbing, but I can't do anything but put back the food and attended him. Auch!! What a timing!!

He chit-chat with him when they were doing the displaying. And he reported to me what he got from him( I never asked for that). He said he was 25, doing his own business now, no girl friend. He said he's fair and handsome. I said he was fat. He said he's not that fat, he's just chubby, and don't all girls love chubby man? Chubby man is good to hug. OH GOD. Which is very funny. And guess what, the funniest part is, I had started to pay attention on him. And I found out that, well....he is cute. Oh NO....

And too bad. Another funny thing is, I can't wait to meet him again tomorrow. When he said he will comes back again to get everything done. And the next day, I can't believed I was getting quite serious on choosing my clothes and put on make-up. Hahahaha....seriously, Rose Bong, What are you thinking? Just because you knew that he was Gemini, you thought he could be your best???FRIEND?? or maybe more than that??? I can't believed it. I can't believe that I have this kind of thinking. What am I thinking. And who the hell are you keep running on my mind? I told him, hey look he's Gemini, wah....that suite me so much. He was laughing. And so did I. Then I was like "well, I knew that because he born a day before my best friend did". Ya thats mean he was born on 15th June, a year older, so it was on 15th June 1987. And he has same name as he does, just that he is Chris, while he is Christopher.

Who are you, anyway?

Happy Father's Day

It was hard this month. Not because I have to work harder. But because, unexpected things had happened. And it torn me apart. Hurt me deep inside, the scars left and difficult to recover.

Well, I try to put that away. And thanks to TEO CHOW SIUNG, he was there and I tried to put my focus on him. And thanks to myself, because I listen to Daddy Lee, then I further my study, and there I am, focusing on the lecturer, so I won't think about those hurtful things that happened, behind my back.

Then come this, Father's Day.




I never celebrate Father's Day, in my life. My dad passed away when I was seven. I never know what it would be like, if he is here now.

Those friends posted greetings for their dearest father. I wonder how they feel. Well...I know how they feel. I know the love is hard to described. How to put it into words?

I love my dad too. Even though I don't know him much. I damn know and damn sure I love him, even though he's no longer here.



Then I posted for Daddy Lee. He's not my dad. We called it "Godfather". Well, I called him "Godfather". I can't remember why it turn into this way. But I shared my problems with him, not just problems, more than that. I told him a lot of things, I don't know why I did it. I just did. And he treats me like one of his daughter. He cares, I know. He helps. Advises and laugh with me. We talks, like friends, like boss to employee, like father and daughter, like silly people. It just happen, and I accept.

But still, something is missing. Maybe is because he's not my real dad. Something is....different.

Happy Father's day. To every daddy in the world. To dad. To Daddy Lee.

I wonder what does it feel, if dad is here?

Whether you Like It or Not

Whether you like me or not. Whether you're satisfy or not.

I am here, in this position. Being myself. Doing the right thing I should've done and act the way I should.

And I'm doing my best.

Whether you want it or not. I'm the leader here. So fuck off and shut up your mouth.

Stab me from the back won't do you any good and won't get you anywhere.

You want to ruin yourself is all up to you.

Want to bitching around I don't care.

Because I'm doing my job here, and I'm doing my best here.

Whether you like it or not, any bitches won't kill me. And I won't fall. I will be strong and tough.

Whether you like it or not, is non of your business. When they look for manager, I'm in charge.

Whether you like it or not, decision will be made by me.

Whether you like it or not, you are following my orders, my instructions.

Whether you like it or not, once I'm still here, I am your leader.

So shut up and do your work, if you wish you get paid.

I won't fall. I will always stand tall. No matter how tired or upset I am with your emotional behaviour.


You're sick. And there is no doctor wants to heal you. Cause you're not worth saving. No matter how they support you and become as negative as you are, you will never be on my place, believe it or not. You will never be a leader.

Whether you like or not.

As long as I am still in charge, I won't let you defeat me.

Whether you like it or not. Whether I'm suffocating or not.

I won't let all those seniors who had been supported me all this while, down. I will not.

I will not, I promise them and I had promised myself as well.

Whether you like it or not.

Cats

Ever count how many years had past and I have no pet at all?

When I was young, I used to love cat more than dog. I guess is because I got bitten by dog often. There were marks, not just one, on my leg, and some close to my butt. Phobia I guess that makes me turn it into hatred. But now no more. I love dog.

But I still love cat, more.

I wish I have one of them now. I really wish I could have one.

Because they are too cute, too playful, too sexy,to refuse to hold and pampered.

The Song

I remember back. That I used to listen to her song, back when I was in college last time. When it was my first time, living apart from mummy, alone, with him. I don't know her at all. But I felt in love with her voice and song.

Meaningful song. Touch my heart. So I sing along.

"Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember...." - Whenever You Remember

"I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven...." - Inside Your Heaven

"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye...." - Starts With Goodbye


"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned....." - Lesson Learned

Then, I remember her back, when I saw her new album posted in sogou.com. It was like, "hey, is Carrie Underwood'...and it had been a long while, now that I remember back. How I used to listen to her songs, it gives me strength and light. Believe it or not. Something spiritual I can't explain. Whisper of encouragement, I guess, that hidden within her song that give me light.

I love her new song, though, not every single one in her new album. The one I love, is " See You Again..."

"But I won't cry cause I know,
I'll never be lonely,
For you're the stars to me,
You are the light I follow..."

Sound like a Christian song. But guess what, I'd been listening to Christian Song lately, like by Kari Jobe & Jaci Velasquez.

Another new song of hers which touch my heart, "Good In Goodbye".

"As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye...."

There is good in goodbye...So I could stand up tall, even though is lonely and hurt, but I learn to stand up myself. Right?

How Lovely, song.

The Church

Remember when was the last time you went to church?

No. I don't.

I was such a bad girl who seldom went to church. I should go to church every Sunday. But I didn't.

Since I worked in MPH. The last time, I think....last month? Maybe is longer than that. I really can't remember.

It had been so long. Listening to the glory song. It had been really long. Feel the peacefulness in it.

When was the last time again? What did they say? Where are they now?

I usually feel sleepy but I enjoy it. The peacefulness I mean. Pure. Quiet. At ease.

Nelson said it was so good to back in the church, after so long. Yeah, it had been too long for him too. After he become a doctor. No until he quit from his job only he has chance to visit the church again.

I don't know, how about me??

I will go to church again.

Every soon. Not because I want to quit from MPH too.

I love to be in there, the church. I'm not pure Christian, yup, not pure and clean enough. But I love to be one. A catholic Christian.

I love Jesus and Maria. Amen.

The Books

I can't wait to read. When I was busy with assignment and stress with work at the same time. The only thing that cross my mind is, I can't wait to read. I don't know why. Why in that moment, when I was busy and tired and pressure, all I wish I could do is, sit there, and read.

And that was what I do when the semester is finally over. I read, and read and read.

I finished four books. Not that I want to show off. But hey, it had been a while, you know. That I'm really into it. Reading non-stop. I was doing nothing but reading. When am tired, I continued my favorite animation - ONE PIECE.

Is that the main reason why I'm still working in MPH? I don't know. Honestly. I was tired. Very tired. But still, I keep holding on. Like there is something I need to protect in MPH. Even though it does not really matter anyway, if I leave. Who would care? I don't know. They will miss me, though. The kids. Like when Ellis and George left, how I missed them and how I felt torn apart for a while. But you will get stronger when you have no choice. You learn to be brave when you have no choice. Remember?

Okay. So I continue with my next book, by Philip Pullman. Honestly tell you, all these four books that I read, is teen readers. Is a series. First is a Trylle novel, about trolls, but beautiful trolls, where it called trylle instead of troll. Yet, I don't have the third book yet, on the way, in the ship. Coming very soon to MPH The Spring, and let me tell you, I will be the first customer to buy it when it is arrived. It called "Ascend".

Then an Angel series, where the girl was half human and half angel. I prefer the second series more if you ask. And I'm looking forward for her new book, even though am not sure how long it will takes for Cynthia Hand to produce her next book.

I love the love story in Unearthly and Hallowed more than I did in the Trylle series. Maybe I like the way they connected to each other.

Well...I feel fulfill. By all these reading. Content, and satisfied. Never did I feel like this. Is like I complete a task. Given by whom? Myself I guess.

Read the books, and you will know. Don't feel want to buy it because is RM30++ each? Don't worry. Borrow from me, I got them all.

I'm Losing You

It's so obvious, that you're feeling annoying with me. You won't apologize anymore. You took no effort in comforting me anymore. I was so upset, so disappointed. All you could do is yell at me back, then silence through out the whole night. I don't know you anymore. We had been fighting and facing with this silence war since last week. It happen one day to another. I guess you're tired with me. You don't care anymore. I pulled out the ring and giving back to you, told you that if you really sure the ring should be given to me, and it is really right for me, I am the one that should be wearing it, then give it to me for the second time. I thought you could give it back to me directly, told me instantly that it really is belongs to me. I thought you would. But you didn't. I was surprise. But who am I to feel surprise. I guess I really don't deserve that ring, am I? I guess you really are confuse that probably you should not give the ring for me at the first place. Like I'm the wrong girl you choose. Like my finger could poison the ring. Like I will never deserve it. Like I will never gonna deserve it. Heart broken. I don't wanna lose you. But you told me I don't deserve it. Not that you said so, you really said so. You never say, but I feel it. I'm losing you and you don't love me anymore. You, just don't care anymore. I told you, if you want to leave, you could just leave a note on the table and pack your things then leave. I will not stop you. I told you so. Will you really do that? To me?

I don't know. I told you I will be fine no matter how hard I will cry later on. But that is non of your business anymore, isn't it? Because you're gone. Once you're gone, you don't have to worry about me. I guess you really would no longer worry about once you choose to leave. Like you did before, like you told me before, you will not miss me if we really do breaking up. I was so upset. I was scared. I was crying, inside, even though I had wiped away my tears and it had dried up.

This time, you did not say that you still want me anymore. You did not mentioned that you still love me anymore. This time, I guess you had faded up. This time, I'm losing you. My God. Am hurting inside. Please run away fast, if you really want to leave. Please run, instead of walking out my door.

Manager

I am not a good manager.

I am not good in managing people. I had tried my very best to swallow back my anger, control my tone and pitches. Yet, I know, I'm not a good manager.

Is really hard to control your emotions. The more I hold back everything so I won't hurt you with my words, the more stress I had produced for myself.

You see, is not easy to protect other people, because you have to bleed first. This is what they called sacrifice, I guess.

I have to handle and act as example, you know.

I could make jokes around like I used to but at the same time I have to give advises and making sure that you fully understand what is going on and why it is going on, you know.

I feel suffocating but I won't tell, you know.

I am tired but still I love this company, you know.

I feel upset with some customer, some employee, some supplier, you know. But I still have to stand up tall, you know. To prove that I can do it( because I really believe that I could).

Yet.I am not a good manager, you know. Even though I try so hard.

There's something missing. I guess it will always be. To remind myself that I should keep on learning, and never ever give up so easily.

I represent my outlet,you know.

Is not easy, I want to protect it and prove that I could.

I am not a good manager, yet.


There is a long way to go. I could continue the journey alone, right? I know I will meet with someone special in the middle of nowhere, when I am almost lost.

Like I met Ellis, and George.

And Daddy Lee, who supports me all the time.

Thank you for everything.

Flowers

I'm tired, if you asked.

Out of a sudden, I think of my mum, I miss my mum.
And I remember she told me the reason why she loves to plant and why she loves to do flowers arranging.

And I was hoping I could do what she did at home, gardening, planting and just stare at the flowers but doing nothing.

How I wish I could.

Because all of a sudden, I realized I have yet release my tension. I'm easily feel nervous without any reason. My heart beat so fast but actually there's nothing I should worry about.

I need a break, I guess.

There is no flowers out there.

So I browse through the Internet. It does not help much but at least, I am now, staring at the flowers and let my mind fly away, blankly, thinking of nothing.

Test tomorrow? Leave it. I believe in myself. I believe I can pass it. I strongly believe I could answer all the question. Even if is with last minutes study.

There is a lot of flowers in the Internet. Different colors, size, pattern. All is amazing.

But guess what, in the end, I still love Roses more.

I guess that is why I love my name, and that is why I have that name.

You know, I feel at ease, when I look at those Roses.

12 March 2012

Do you still remember the first day we be together?

Do you still remember the number, 1234?

Is not just a number,you know. Ya, you know and you still remember.

Is a simple number but mean a lots for us.

Is 12th March 2004, the first day I become your girlfriend.

Now.

8 years past, and I'm still with you, and you still stick with me.

On the 8th Years, first time ever, you bought me a ring.

Just nice, fit into my finger.

Just nice, now I'm yours again.

My first ring. I love you.

White Clouds & Blue Skies

Remember I did mention that I love sunny day?

I love sunny day more than raining day. Even though I will complaint when the sun is hot and am sweating.

And now I even love the sunny blue sky( I just figured it out), I only know and realized that after I went through all my albums.

Check this out. My collections of blue skies while am aboard, flying to other places.


This was taken on my way to Taipei, Taiwan, on 2009. This airplane is called Star Jet. We were in the plane for 4 hours, and since I have nothing to do, I just love to stare out into the blue sky, and day-dream. Ha =)





I went to KL by Fire Fly last year. It was my first time, aboard in a Fire Fly, where tickets booked by my God-daddy Lee. I took the pics on my way home after my vacations in KL.




This pics was taken on my way to Kelantan. I went to my BF's campus and see how is her uni life over there. It was my first trip to Kelantan, a hot and boring town. Ow~~~!

aFter ValenTine's

Is 1.41am, when I finally completed my report and sent it to Ms Adeline. Is my first coursework report. I'm totally blur and confused, but still managed to squeeze 400++ of words into 400 words(as words limit given is only 400).

Is 1.42am, when I post latest status on FB saying that I'm going to bed. While in fact, I'm still online and don't feel want to shut my eyes.

Is 1.57am, when I access into my blog and started to post.

Is 2.00am, and I'm still missing my darling so much.

Such a holidays. We're happy. But it was so soon. After we're back from vacations, the next morning, he took flight to KL, and on the same day, he flied to Hat Yai.

I miss him so much. Like hell. and the loneliness that filled in the air make my mind drift to negative part again. I was so scared that he goes there and meet with someone. This someone whom I don't know.

Just my thought. My negative thinking. How I wish I won't be like this anymore.

I'm so jealousy. and stupidly hard to destroy this negative thinking.

I'm not secure anymore. I'm scared all the time.

Is 2.04am, I'm coughing non-stop. Since this morning. Work is fine. Class is fine. So far I cope everything well. So far...


I was home alone, you know. So I'm not gonna switch off the light. Not until you're home for me.

Love you, please don't do something silly. Am pray to God, you know.

I Got You. I Love You =)

龙年，开心乐龙龙。

少数人知道，我有很大的家庭。别羡慕，因为有好也会有坏的。坏的怎么处理？不要那么消遣，就没事啦。

那，我来说故事好了。我有，七个兄弟姐妹（包括我在内）。我最小，有三个哥哥，三个姐姐。爸爸呢，在我七岁时就不在啦。得癌症，去世了。把完美的家庭，弄得不完美。我没怪爸爸，因为我一样爱着他。只是，他太早休息了。

给你看看，我们的大合照。爸爸的位置，由大姑妈来代替。大姑妈对我们很重要。爸爸过世后，再怎么忙也会抽空来探望我们的就是大姑妈了。我们都很爱她，很尊敬她，她就像我们的第二个妈妈一样。每一年的新年，我们都不能缺少她的出席哦。

这张是妈妈的孙子女们。加起来，一共有八位了。大的合作的很愉快，把照片拍的很美。小的就相反啦，各有各的要忙，把照片拍的乱七八糟的很可笑。最小的四岁，最大的十九岁了。都是哥哥姐姐们的孩子。除了大哥以外，还没有孩子的就是那个还没出嫁的我啦。家里的小剩女。

接下来，是我的姐姐们。妈妈的美美女儿们。大姐，二十二岁就出嫁了，现在有三个儿女，都长大了。坐在中间那位就是我大姐了。人家常说，我越来越像她了。有吗？？

再来，是我二姐。现在有两个儿女了。跟老公一起住在新加坡。我去新加坡旅游都不必出钱的就是多亏有她啊。住她家，免费。出门吃好料，也是免费。我的愿望啊，希望姐姐的病赶快好起来。一定会好起来，平平安安度过每一年的。

然后这位，是我的三姐。有一个儿子。可惜上天还没把她的真命天子送来，所以她的婚姻失败了。不过我相信很快就会没事的。姐姐很快就会再找到那个爱她也爱她儿子的男人。跟我一起，时常开玩笑笑的很大声的就是三姐了，我们都坚持，怎样都好，好事始终会发生，所以要加油，因为我们都是爸妈勇敢的好孩子。


知道今年很开心的事是什麽吗？可以穿美美，拍美美的照。然后。。。

笑到饱，吃到饱哦。过完年后，要减肥啦！！哈哈。