Cats

Ever count how many years had past and I have no pet at all?

When I was young, I used to love cat more than dog. I guess is because I got bitten by dog often. There were marks, not just one, on my leg, and some close to my butt. Phobia I guess that makes me turn it into hatred. But now no more. I love dog.

But I still love cat, more.

I wish I have one of them now. I really wish I could have one.

Because they are too cute, too playful, too sexy,to refuse to hold and pampered.

The Song

I remember back. That I used to listen to her song, back when I was in college last time. When it was my first time, living apart from mummy, alone, with him. I don't know her at all. But I felt in love with her voice and song.

Meaningful song. Touch my heart. So I sing along.

"Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember...." - Whenever You Remember

"I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven...." - Inside Your Heaven

"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye...." - Starts With Goodbye


"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned....." - Lesson Learned

Then, I remember her back, when I saw her new album posted in sogou.com. It was like, "hey, is Carrie Underwood'...and it had been a long while, now that I remember back. How I used to listen to her songs, it gives me strength and light. Believe it or not. Something spiritual I can't explain. Whisper of encouragement, I guess, that hidden within her song that give me light.

I love her new song, though, not every single one in her new album. The one I love, is " See You Again..."

"But I won't cry cause I know,
I'll never be lonely,
For you're the stars to me,
You are the light I follow..."

Sound like a Christian song. But guess what, I'd been listening to Christian Song lately, like by Kari Jobe & Jaci Velasquez.

Another new song of hers which touch my heart, "Good In Goodbye".

"As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah sometimes, there’s good in goodbye...."

There is good in goodbye...So I could stand up tall, even though is lonely and hurt, but I learn to stand up myself. Right?

How Lovely, song.

The Church

Remember when was the last time you went to church?

No. I don't.

I was such a bad girl who seldom went to church. I should go to church every Sunday. But I didn't.

Since I worked in MPH. The last time, I think....last month? Maybe is longer than that. I really can't remember.

It had been so long. Listening to the glory song. It had been really long. Feel the peacefulness in it.

When was the last time again? What did they say? Where are they now?

I usually feel sleepy but I enjoy it. The peacefulness I mean. Pure. Quiet. At ease.

Nelson said it was so good to back in the church, after so long. Yeah, it had been too long for him too. After he become a doctor. No until he quit from his job only he has chance to visit the church again.

I don't know, how about me??

I will go to church again.

Every soon. Not because I want to quit from MPH too.

I love to be in there, the church. I'm not pure Christian, yup, not pure and clean enough. But I love to be one. A catholic Christian.

I love Jesus and Maria. Amen.

The Books

I can't wait to read. When I was busy with assignment and stress with work at the same time. The only thing that cross my mind is, I can't wait to read. I don't know why. Why in that moment, when I was busy and tired and pressure, all I wish I could do is, sit there, and read.

And that was what I do when the semester is finally over. I read, and read and read.

I finished four books. Not that I want to show off. But hey, it had been a while, you know. That I'm really into it. Reading non-stop. I was doing nothing but reading. When am tired, I continued my favorite animation - ONE PIECE.

Is that the main reason why I'm still working in MPH? I don't know. Honestly. I was tired. Very tired. But still, I keep holding on. Like there is something I need to protect in MPH. Even though it does not really matter anyway, if I leave. Who would care? I don't know. They will miss me, though. The kids. Like when Ellis and George left, how I missed them and how I felt torn apart for a while. But you will get stronger when you have no choice. You learn to be brave when you have no choice. Remember?

Okay. So I continue with my next book, by Philip Pullman. Honestly tell you, all these four books that I read, is teen readers. Is a series. First is a Trylle novel, about trolls, but beautiful trolls, where it called trylle instead of troll. Yet, I don't have the third book yet, on the way, in the ship. Coming very soon to MPH The Spring, and let me tell you, I will be the first customer to buy it when it is arrived. It called "Ascend".

Then an Angel series, where the girl was half human and half angel. I prefer the second series more if you ask. And I'm looking forward for her new book, even though am not sure how long it will takes for Cynthia Hand to produce her next book.

I love the love story in Unearthly and Hallowed more than I did in the Trylle series. Maybe I like the way they connected to each other.

Well...I feel fulfill. By all these reading. Content, and satisfied. Never did I feel like this. Is like I complete a task. Given by whom? Myself I guess.

Read the books, and you will know. Don't feel want to buy it because is RM30++ each? Don't worry. Borrow from me, I got them all.

I'm Losing You

It's so obvious, that you're feeling annoying with me. You won't apologize anymore. You took no effort in comforting me anymore. I was so upset, so disappointed. All you could do is yell at me back, then silence through out the whole night. I don't know you anymore. We had been fighting and facing with this silence war since last week. It happen one day to another. I guess you're tired with me. You don't care anymore. I pulled out the ring and giving back to you, told you that if you really sure the ring should be given to me, and it is really right for me, I am the one that should be wearing it, then give it to me for the second time. I thought you could give it back to me directly, told me instantly that it really is belongs to me. I thought you would. But you didn't. I was surprise. But who am I to feel surprise. I guess I really don't deserve that ring, am I? I guess you really are confuse that probably you should not give the ring for me at the first place. Like I'm the wrong girl you choose. Like my finger could poison the ring. Like I will never deserve it. Like I will never gonna deserve it. Heart broken. I don't wanna lose you. But you told me I don't deserve it. Not that you said so, you really said so. You never say, but I feel it. I'm losing you and you don't love me anymore. You, just don't care anymore. I told you, if you want to leave, you could just leave a note on the table and pack your things then leave. I will not stop you. I told you so. Will you really do that? To me?

I don't know. I told you I will be fine no matter how hard I will cry later on. But that is non of your business anymore, isn't it? Because you're gone. Once you're gone, you don't have to worry about me. I guess you really would no longer worry about once you choose to leave. Like you did before, like you told me before, you will not miss me if we really do breaking up. I was so upset. I was scared. I was crying, inside, even though I had wiped away my tears and it had dried up.

This time, you did not say that you still want me anymore. You did not mentioned that you still love me anymore. This time, I guess you had faded up. This time, I'm losing you. My God. Am hurting inside. Please run away fast, if you really want to leave. Please run, instead of walking out my door.