I Live in March

I ignored certain people, a man, who's asking how's my life getting on, twice, lately.

I accidentally waved a "hi" to a man who I'd ignored for so long, which I regretted a minute after that.

I'd received a surprise mail in my FB inbox, from a man from Taiwan.

I'd called that somebody for help, twice, this month.

I became crazily in love with GG's latest new song, "I Got A Boy".

I had cried out loud for the second time on 23rd March, 2013.

I was stress but I ignored my assignment all the time, especially after a harsh weekend/day. (Harsh here means, lots of customers to handle, loads of goods to be processed, and staffs to .....whatever)

I'd got a new plan. Not totally my idea. But I want to make a first move to involve in this field which I never want to be in before. I want more money, I want to be rich, that is what I thought when I receive that idea, from my boyfriend.

Oh...I cut my hair again. I remembered someone said that he likes a long-hair girl than a short-hair girl. I remembered I told him I usually keep my hair long because it suits me more. I remembered he said short hair makes me look old. I remembered he praised me for the first time last year when I cut my hair short. I remembered all that memory. Yet, I cut my hair again, because I wanted to. I love it and that is non-of-your-business. When I'm confident, When I'm happy, and When I trust in myself, that's when I become prettier. So who cares about your comment anyway.

I'd been to the beach twice. Eating Sakae Sushi wiht my boyfriend for the first time. Received two new formal wears from Kak Nora for the first time. Lost my temper and scold my staff in front of the customer for the first time. Received a new bag from my boyfriend for the first time.

And, most of all.

We planned to buy a house together, for the first time =)

March, 12th - 2013

忍了那么久，终于还是崩溃了。

在三月十二号这一天。本来应该是个开心的一天的。结果，起床时发现今天又要跟
以往那样一样的过日子，那个重要的某某人也好像什么事都没有特别为自己准备的
时候，心情下落就算了， 带着那闷脾气，自己做什么事都不开心的时候时。。。

发现到那只黑母猫的秘密。原来自己一直听到的小猫声，不是外面的猫咪，而是这
母猫偷偷在楼下的那空房里，生了两只小猫咪。看到猫咪的时候，心痛了起来，因
为自己不能收养它们，打从一开始，就要把那母猫丢弃的，迟迟不丢是自己的错。
现在变成了要三只猫也要一起丢，心里忍不了痛的，心情又是更加的低落了。

其中一只猫咪不知躲到哪里去，最后，只好把母猫跟另一只猫咪先丢弃。它还很小，
虽然会走路了，但要把它跟它妈妈一起丢在外面，没有屋檐下的情况生活，想着想
着，罪恶感更是增加了。真的很难受又很痛苦。把它们都放下以后，赶快把车子都
驾走了以后，我哭了。哭得很厉害那种。心里真的很疼。它还那么小，别说外面的
世界了，在这个家里时，它都只住在那空房里没出来过，今天我把房门打开时，它
可是第一次出到外面的世界的。好奇的同时它也觉得陌生害怕，也不敢接近我，更
何况是外面那我丢弃它的公园了。请原谅我的坏心肠，请原谅我没有能力照顾，请
原谅我的自私。就这样，我今天做了两件很过份的事。一是，把猫咪跟它妈妈还有
兄弟拆散；二时，把猫咪跟它妈妈一起丢弃了。没被丢弃的猫咪一定很寂寞很难过，
可是莫名的时，它不见了，在我们忙着抓它妈妈跟另外一只猫咪时，它不见了。都
是我的错。它那么小怎样照顾自己？真的，对不起。

后来，我接完公司打来的电话后，崩溃了。彻底的崩溃了。是压力太大了。最近忙
着顾公司的事，都没好好花时间去学习。想到自己还有那么多事情没做完，时间却
逼得很紧，真的很突然的，我头痛得自己受不了。心里又恨又气的。终于，大声的
喊了出来，哭了好久好久，也哭得好大声。这是，第一次的，崩溃了。自己后来平
静后，也觉得有点吓倒，自己既然会在这种情况下，倒下来。

因为今天是那重要的日子吧？可是却没收到什么礼物或惊喜，所以本身得私人问题
也同时的给自己压力。今天是三月十二号啊，不重要吗？那个人总是无所谓的让人
难过失望。小小的幸福也没办法给，所以很难过。想到公司的事还有学校的事时，
终于，受不了的，第一次像疯子那样的，又哭又闹的，崩溃了。

给我力量吧。那个时候，自己动了那本书，很久没有去碰，去翻，更别说是去读的
书。把它拿出来时，看到了：

“I can do all things because Christ gives me the strength”。

要继续走下去啊，不管有多难。有人会守护你的，忘了吗？

累了，就是要哭一哭。累了，去海边散步吧，晒一晒太阳。今天这样做，是对的。


喂，Happy 9th Anniversary， Darling。