Tommy and Rock came to MPH today.
He's yellow and he smiled.
They asked a lot of questions.
And he asked where do I'm actually from?
And I was thinking "are you, trying to starts digging about my personal details?"
Well, at least I felt good about that. Because you only seems to dare to talk to me when someone else who is with you, talk a lot with me.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Father's Day 16.06.2013
Hey, is Father's Day today.
I'm errrmm....hardly have anything to say.
I'm just a bit upset.
I know is Father's Day today. I know it, again. Like last year, like last time, like before. Is like, I always know it. And most of the time I just pretend that I miss it, I forget about it, or I was too busy to know that now it is the day.
Is not something to remember, or celebrate. For someone like me.
It's just not for me to remember. And today I felt more upset than usual. I felt more lonely than before. Especially when I log-in in my FB acc. When some friends post those comments. When friends wish Happy Father's Day to their beloved father. When they took pictures together. When they ate together for celebration. When they bought gifts for their father. And...when I sat in the cafe, and the woman next table, hand-in ang-pow for her father...
It's just, don't feel right for me.
Maybe I'm jealous.
Or maybe I just don't get it. Maybe forever and ever, I won't know how is that feel, to say Happy Father's Day, because he's gone.
And seriously I'm sorry, because I purposely don't want to wish any to Daddy Lee. Maybe is because he's not my real dad. Or maybe is because not matter how he's good in treating me as his god-daughter, or how close we are, he is, still, not my real dad. And there's always is, and invisible gap between us, that remind me that, "hey, this is not your dad, okay, he's Jamie's beloved daddy".
So I purposely forget about it. So I purposely left without say anything and report to work instantly.
Yet, I post it in the end, saying " Happy Father's Day" to him. I know he's happy, because he always will, he has beautiful family. They are complete and perfect, who won't happy in that family?
I'm just, lonely, on this day.
Just that. And is hard to explain.
And I'd cried.
And I know, I miss him. And I love him.
I'm errrmm....hardly have anything to say.
I'm just a bit upset.
I know is Father's Day today. I know it, again. Like last year, like last time, like before. Is like, I always know it. And most of the time I just pretend that I miss it, I forget about it, or I was too busy to know that now it is the day.
Is not something to remember, or celebrate. For someone like me.
It's just not for me to remember. And today I felt more upset than usual. I felt more lonely than before. Especially when I log-in in my FB acc. When some friends post those comments. When friends wish Happy Father's Day to their beloved father. When they took pictures together. When they ate together for celebration. When they bought gifts for their father. And...when I sat in the cafe, and the woman next table, hand-in ang-pow for her father...
It's just, don't feel right for me.
Maybe I'm jealous.
Or maybe I just don't get it. Maybe forever and ever, I won't know how is that feel, to say Happy Father's Day, because he's gone.
And seriously I'm sorry, because I purposely don't want to wish any to Daddy Lee. Maybe is because he's not my real dad. Or maybe is because not matter how he's good in treating me as his god-daughter, or how close we are, he is, still, not my real dad. And there's always is, and invisible gap between us, that remind me that, "hey, this is not your dad, okay, he's Jamie's beloved daddy".
So I purposely forget about it. So I purposely left without say anything and report to work instantly.
Yet, I post it in the end, saying " Happy Father's Day" to him. I know he's happy, because he always will, he has beautiful family. They are complete and perfect, who won't happy in that family?
I'm just, lonely, on this day.
Just that. And is hard to explain.
And I'd cried.
And I know, I miss him. And I love him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
