你想要的, 只是我的后悔吗?

那一年不是你的错,不是我的错,也不是他的错, 只是,我们都没有把话说对,没有把事情做对, 我们只是都以为,逃避, 也可以是一种面对。

青春不美, 美的是青春里有你们。

那些年, 那些事, 那些曾经听了会哭的歌, 那些以为失去会死的人; 所谓的青春大概就是这么一回事吧, 美的其实不是青春的本身,而是青春里的那些人。

原来悲伤并不会随着时间淡去, 不过我们终究能学会适应, 适应悲伤。

伤心的可恨之处在于: 你以为你已经放下, 可它却冷不防的找上你, 还溃堤。

好多好多的回忆, 还清楚记得的, 原以为忘记的,   一幕幕的又回来了, 都回来了。

我知道他有很多话要说, 有很多事想要劝, 可是我不确定我是不是想要听, 很多的话说了反正也早已经就来不及, 而很多的劝其实当下早就心知肚明, 只是不愿意承认而最后也终究于事无补罢了, 何必呢?

友情客串

没有记得,第一次见面,第一次说话是在什么情况下。是怎么发生。

我不记得,从何开始我们需要对方。我们有怨过对方,却从来没有放手过。

我记得, 我曾放过手,可是到后来,始终还是原谅了所以再次牵你的手。不是因为你需要我,而是我以为你还是需要我所以自愿再次保护你。这是后来才明白的事情。

谁知道,我还是会想念我们一起唱歌的日子?谁知道,唱孙燕姿的歌时,我想的不是他而是你。我哭是因为你不是他。我想原谅的是你不是他。可到最后,我却原谅了他不是你。

谁知道,放手了之后,有没有痛让我变成了恨。我恨我们的过去。我恨的是我没有放手,我恨的是我对你的坚持,我恨的是我相信你。

谁知道,我没有哭,却反而痛得不得了。你说你不是要我的原谅。你说我不应该对他很执着。对我来说,这些都是你要我通通放开的借口。你要我重新开始没有错。是该感激的。如果我不是在那种情况下听来的话。而好笑的是,就是没有如果。谁知道,那是才醒了过来。原来在你心里,,我如此陌生。

原来我是个很糟糕的女人,原来你也觉得我根本不值得当你身边默默守护你的那个。原来到最后, 我会因为你失恋了,所以我失恋了你就可以不用来安慰。原来你失恋了,只有我可以去把肩膀借给你,而轮到我的时候,我必须自己打醒自己,必须自己又哭又喊得度过。那一刻,我难过的不再是失恋了,而是你狠狠结束了我对你的执着。所以傻得哭不出来了。

谁知道, 你妈妈打来的那一刻,跟她说实话的我,原来是个坏蛋。原来我还是应该对她撒谎,就像中学时答应过你的那样。原来我还是应该听你说的后才可以行动。

谁知道,我从来没有亲手做过任何人生日卡片。谁知道我既然不会对别人亲手去做。谁知道,我很坚持的非你莫属。谁知道,我还是站在外面。

刻骨铭心的,就算一直以来,这一切都只是友情客串的,你路过而已。

谁知道,我却走不出去。

原来,真正的痛,是卡在原地等着你,而你却不会回头。

Peacefully Thankful

Circle around like butterflies
Escape from pouring rain
Running to the alleyways
Steal their little kiss again

You're my only weakness
But somehow you made me strong
After chasing ghosts and fairy tales
I'm right where I belong

And I don't know where I've been looking
And I don't care where you have been before

But I'm thankful to be here
Thankful to feel clear
Thankful my prayers have been answered
I'm thankful you listened
Thankful to heaven
Thankful for feeling alive again
Thankful that hearts always mend

I write it all on paper dolls
Let them play their little games
Of who loves who and what is true
No one ever takes the blame

I see you through the window
And it takes my breath away
But I lose the floor beneath me
And all that's left to say

As I don't know where I was going
And I don't care where we have been before

But I'm thankful to be here
Thankful to feel clear
Thankful my prayers have been answered
I'm thankful you listened
Thankful to heaven
Thankful for feeling alive again
Thankful that hearts always mend

And I caught rainbows
Falling down
When I start spinning
Round and around and around

But I'm thankful to be here

Thankful my heart always mends

"Sometimes, you just need to be very thankful. For Whatever happens.

Thank you

I read a book the day before. It said that we have to do something, even though it is only a small thing, to show our greatest gratitude, towards other. I found it very commanding.

I did it. And I felt something I never have before.

I bought cards and chocolates.  Write some notes, notes of appreciations, which is countless, and I thank everyone, with full of sincerity, from deep inside my heart.

Everyone was surprised.  Some of them merely thanked me back for the chocolates; some of them thought am I resigning; some of them said they were worried.  That I might leave.

I didn't of course, to have to leave. But I promise and had decided that I will, once I get the opportunity.

And a supervisor of mine approached and asked, "do you really want to become a government servant?".

He even said that he believed that I have big potential and opportunities in this outlet.  He said that no one can handle it but me. Yes, he trusted me. And I'm so touched.  I always thought I'm a lousy leader, a freaky manager or whatever bad words you can come with...but he puts his confidence in me and accept and support me as his leader (sob sob touching :'(). And he even begged me not to leave. He said this outlet need me.

Well, that's the best thing ever happened to me since I'm taking over this outlet. At least in the end, there is still a big supporter of mine still want to team up with me. I always admire Ellis and wanted to be like her. But I know I will never be as I have this bad temper of mine(which I manage to control now, and still lacks of passionate communication skills and leadership skills. ...I'm that sort of tough and fierce on the outside but soft - hearted on the inside types of person - which caused myself quite some dilemma...and I still haven't get the answer how can Ellis cope with that.

I will, one day. To become a great leader and have a great team following and admiring me just like I do to Ellis.

And really, thank you very much for believing in me.Thank you West, for don't want me to leave. Thank you Abg Salihin for be there and confessed your big support for me. Thank you Puspa for not wanting me go. Thank you Sylvia for appreciated what I choose for you. And thank you Precisla for scared that I might leave. It all make me wanna stay back.

Thank you for be there for me just like a family.

三姐

我是小妹。

家里最小的女儿。也是家里最小的,妈妈的孩子。

家里有四个女儿。

看到那些好吃却昂贵的蛋糕。看了会流口水却决对不会去买的蛋糕。因为知道那种蛋糕一定会让自己增肥的蛋糕。想起了三姐。

看到太阳就要下山了的那橙色的傍晚。那多么诱人的景色。那温暖的太阳。那被照着却渐渐变暗的晚霞。那白云再也不白了的晚霞。想起了三姐。

看着自己的书面。看着自己的自拍。想起了三姐。我们在一起胡闹自拍的时候多么疯狂。又,想起了三姐。

三姐总是一个人。

一个人笑。一个人哭。一个人看连续剧。一个吃晚餐。一个拍那寂寞的夕阳还有天空。一个人去瑜伽。一个人搭飞机。一个人承担, 那件事。

一个人。我又想起了三姐。

她跟我说她一个人。她不再把相片 po出来。加载了也没有人看。我在看。

她跟我说她一个人。她不再期待谈什么轰轰烈烈的爱。不想再等那个对的人。我说,一定会出现的,那个对的人。

她跟我说她一个人。她开始看那些风水师所写的命运。她传了传类似的信息给身边的重要人士。我说,相信好事,好事一定会来拜访。

我什么都给不了。我给关心。加油。耳朵。还有,爱心和支持。

我要,三姐接下来,可以无比的幸福和,快乐。

不是没有人在看。我在看哦。

小小

今天。莫名的。看到你的那一个"赞"。而感到无比的开心。

也因为这样,跟别人提起了, 那个曾经是我暗恋的对像, 那个我第一个暗恋, 第一次暗恋那么久的那个你。

始终没有在一起过。他说,是因为你没告白过吧?

仔细想想,我好像真的是没告白过。对你。

好像有传字条吧。虽然不记得内容是什么了。而且好像,你连理都不理。所以,从此就不再告白了。没有当面告白。

不敢。没勇气。怕。怕受伤。怕被拒绝。

后来。我们没再同班。而我也遇上了别人。然后也听到了你和某某人交往的事情。

听到了。也吃醋了。

现在想想。还是记得啊。还是能想念啊。只能想念啦。

现在的那个"赞"。又是什么意思呢?

可以让我小小的开心的。感动的。骄傲的。

可以让我把它想成是, 你终于注意到我了吗?

小小的开心哦。知道你在看。知道你看到。知道你看着。

有哦。小小的满足
小小的幸福。小小的。。。

谢谢你

终于看过来了。

You Travelled into my Dream again

You came again. Last night.

I never know why. And I guess I will never understand why.

They said when you dream about somebody, is because you missed them.

I dont remember that I had missed you that much.  This much. But I guess I am.

I was tired and exhausted last night. I slept early like the day before. And then you came. I don't know why.

I only know I miss you more when I awake this morning.

I don't wanna know do you feel the same about me. Or do you miss me like I do. Or do you dream about me as well last night?

I just dont wanna to know. And I just don't want to admit it.

It's not worth it. I shouldn't have do that. But I did. Which make me more ashamed of myself. Which make me more guilty. Which make me hate myself more....

I dreamt about you before as well. The image isn't so clear. But you were there. In one of the corner. Waiting for me. And I told you to wait. What for? I don't know. What is the message? I don't know.

Seriously, I was happy and sad at the same time. I was, lonely, when you left, my dream......

回忆

离别。

不是最难过的。

难过的是, 回想起的那些回忆。

回忆里有你,现实里没有你。

你的声音还是听得到。

到头來, 才清醒的说, 原来都是自己把你埋在回忆里, 埋得太深刻。

真的, 难过的是, 回忆怎么让人难受, 也不想停止想起。

不见不想

不见, 还可以忘记。

不见,就不会那么想念。

不见,就不会记得。

不见, 就不会难受。

不见, 就会归零。

可惜不是你。

可惜相逢恨晚

可惜不是我。

可惜缘分不在。

可惜必须错过。

可惜不能求救。

可惜不能等待。

可惜必须忘记。

可惜只能偷看。

可惜只能, 默默希望你过得很好。也会想我。更会永远记得。

Us

I thought I forget about us. I thought I forget about you.
I never knew how much I had missed you. Not until we met again yesterday. When was the last time I saw you? Seriously I cant remember.  I had purposely didnt keep it in mind. And because of that, I seriously forget when was the last time we saw each other. Not just wave hi and bye, but work together and spend some time talking about this and that. I totally forgot about that.
Until we met again the day before. Only then I realised I haven't let go of you. Havent let go of what I feel about you. And I'd missed you so bad again since then.

I don't dare to ask how are you and her. Because I know you guys are just perfect for each other and you wont leave her just like I wont leave mine. Still, it's hurt when I realised again that we were never meant for each other and we were late in meeting each other. And yes. I'm upset About that.

You're still the same and I still like the way you are. And I still do. I guess I will always will. But I understand the situation.  So I will wait. Even if I have to wait for damn long? who knows maybe have to wait until another life? I want it. Yes. In another life maybe:)

Still,  I'm very disappointed when I dont have to send you to the airport.  Which by right, I should because you want me to. Yey end up, I didnt because you said no too. I thought at least we still have a little time to talk.  Even though I'm not sure what topics will turn out. Yet I was really happy to spend some time alone with you, rather than just talk about works and works and I hate that you're my senior or colleague.

Bye. See you. In another time and, space.