I Can't Tell You, I miss You

So as you wished. Whatever that you wished. I made it comes true.

I resigned. I followed you. I reported to you. I shared whatever I can with you.

I was there. I'm gonna be there from now on and on. Unsure how long I'm gonna be there though. But I was there. As you said, I will join you. We'll make a good team. I will help you. I will make you achieve a lot of your dreams.

So I went for breakfast with you so often until I can't counted it now.

I checked back my WhatsApp today. I started my text to you on 29th Jan 2016.

You started to text me on your own on 8th February.

I don't know when I falling in love with you. I don't know either, when do you fall in love with me. I don't ask. Even if I ask, I will forgot again the answer. Considered that you have your wife, how can you fall in love with me. I wanna believe in you, I just can't do it whole-heartily.

Like today. I miss you so much but I just can't tell.

I want to have the weekends for myself. I want you to stop looking for me on weekends. I want you not to contact me on weekends. You promised. And now you keep your promise. You do not text me. You do not look for me.

It's hurt. But you keep your promise. But I miss you. I almost die.

Everything happened so fast. In a blink of an eye, I think I'd been to your apartment, like five times? We had great sex twice. We had some couple kissing and cuddles and hugging. Pushing and pulling. Lay on the sofa or the bed. Smiled to each other or laugh like an idiot. Talked about work, hush and then starts kissing. Touching feeling and staring. I love you.

You kept on saying I will have your bb one day. I know what I want. But sometimes I just can't have what I want. So I said, one day if I really have your bb, that would be the day I leave you forever. Yes. That's what I'm gonna do. I will pregnant with your child, but I will never see you again. I will raise the kid on my own. And I will never let you know.

How tall are you? I asked one day. I want to be pampered by you. I was hugging you and stared at you. 183cm. You said. That's about the height of my bf, I said.

I love the way you are.

Tall. Chubby but not too fat. Tough but gentle and the same times. The way you kissed my hair, my face, my forehead, my hand, my neck, my tummy and ....the way you hold my hand in your car, the way you touched my thigh. The way you looked at me. The way you're so serious then you smiled like a child at me. You're innocently beautiful creatures. I just love the way you are.

You're tired. Exhausted. I wish my kiss could save you for a while. I want to do something for you.

And yes, I do wish to have your bb.

Ten years ago, I was in Taman Sahabat. I made a wish. To earn a lot a lot of money.

Ten years since then, today 5th March, 2016. I made a wish again.

I wish, you and I will never let go of each other no matter how. You will love me as long as I love you.

I wish, to be with Timothy Ngu, and No one would tears us apart. Even if we can't marry each other.

I want to tell you I miss you.

But today is weekends. We promised we won't disturb each other weekends. So I didn't say it out loud.

I miss you. Very much and I hope you could feel it.

I want you to feel it. I want you to know it. And I want you to miss me like I miss you.

I don't know how deep or how true your love it, to me.

But I miss you.

And I want to kiss you.