I Choose to let Go(Just like I did Before)

10 days ago, is dad's birthday. But I never celebrate it with my dad. Not even Father's Day. Dad had long gone, when I was so young. Too young to remember. Is 1995. Dated 31st September. Time: 1.00am something. Thats all I remember. Primary school, standard one. Thats when I lose him. Cancer killed. Dad is still young. But he visited heaven so soon, and he chose to live there, and never come back.

When was the last time I talked to dad? Can't remember. I weep whenever I talked to dad. I have no one to talk to. So I talk to dad, who, never reply me in voice, or even in my dream. Good news, bad news, I share both with tears. Maybe is due to I miss him so much. Or maybe is due to I'm still hoping he's still here.

Hey, I choose to let go again. We shouldn't have meet at the first place. I know something is wrong when I stare into your eyes. I know you're hiding something. And I know, what you're hiding all this while. I don't want to disturb. Really. I never ever, in my life thinking about screw up your relationship with her. I know I'm late. I also know I had took the wrong bus from the very beginning. You're meant to be with her. That's why I don't ask. I don't say. I can't say. I can't tell. I can't....confess. All this while, all these feelings. How much I miss you. How much I want you to know. I just can't....say it. I'm sorry.

You're protecting her. I guess. And now I think I was right. Coz you love her. You try to save the relationship. You're holding it tight. I know. I know even though you never tell. You never confess. I have no choice, here. I can't give myself a chance or options. The only thing I have to do is, let go. When I figured out you have her, start from that minutes....I force myself everyday, to ignore your existance in my life. To forget. To let go. I do it everyday. I try very hard...everyday. Not to think about you. Not to miss you. Not to care. I think I did it well.

See, I don't call. Even I have your number. I don't post, even I know your fb. I don't because I can't. I can't be so selfish. I can't choose to hurt her. I can't mess up your and her life/relationship. I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.......I choose to let go. The moment I saw the picture, I had chose to let you go. You never come to my life actually. I'm the one that keep thinking about you. Was I the only one that fell in love? I think I know what's the accurate answer.

I don't mind I have to bear all the pain alone. As long as I don't mess up the happiness that you deserved. Love can be a happy ending story. But in my case, I could only call it a hopeless dream. I know well enough I won't even have a chance. I knew it from the start. Thats why I talk less, I ask less and then.....even smile less with you. I don't dare to look at you anymore. As the griefness and pain, you just won't understand. You won't as you never have time for me. Coz you have her, in your life. I knew it well enough.

I'm sorry, Rose. I choose to let go again. The love, which you could actually just shout it out loud and make proud for yourself. Sorry........this is the second time.

='( Bye bye.....